Alone and Unwanted
by flightlessbird23
Summary: This story is set in New Moon. When Edward abandons Bella, she is scarred forever. What if his family realizes their mistake and returns home to pick up the pieces?
1. Chapter 1

I am currently in a phase of writer's block, so I have decided to repost a story I wrote more than six years ago while I was still in high school. I do not remember what it's about, only that it received many positive reviews. It was published under a different username (allibelievein), I removed it from the website about two years ago when I was afraid someone I knew was going to find it. That was a mistake.

I hope you enjoy the story. It is complete, and I will post the other chapters regularly. You won't have to wait long for updates. I hope that this inspires me to write something new soon.

Chapter 1

Bella POV

Today was supposed to be my last. All of my affairs were in order. My last letter was hidden in my desk drawer. It ended up being the ultimate betrayal, revealing my true intentions before it was supposed to. How was I supposed to know that Jacob would rescue me, guess my motives, and call Charlie? Jacob was so angry with me, and he told me our friendship was over.

I told Charlie that I jumped off the cliff for fun. That I thought it would be safe. That I didn't see the rocks at the bottom. That I didn't realize that the storm was making the water rage dangerously. That I thought I was strong enough. That I didn't know that it was that big of a deal.

These were all lies, and Charlie knew it. I will never forget the look on his face: a mixture of pain, sadness, shock, guilt, and, worst of all, irreparable disappointment. "Bella," he had said softly. "After Jacob called me, I looked through your bedroom, trying to find any evidence that your motives were what I suspected. And I found this." I stood frozen as he pulled a note from his pocket. My last letter.

"Ch-Dad. It's not what you think—" I had started.

"Isabella. You'd better stop lying. Right. Now." I'd never seen him like that before. His voice was rising and he had a murderous look in his eye. "Actually, you'd better stop talking all together. I'm through with you and your recklessness. You care for nobody but yourself. Go to your room. I'm calling your mother."

I didn't dare argue. I practically ran to my room, and that's where I am now.

As the afternoon quickly turned into night, I sat on my bed, deep in thought. The truth was, I had jumped off the cliff with intentions to end my life. I had nothing to live for. Edward, my one and only, had left with his family—my family—leaving me broken. Before I had met Edward, my purpose in life was taking care of my mom. Then she met Phil, and I moved here so that she could spend more time with him. Although living with Charlie was much easier, I quickly adapted to taking care of him, too. Then I met Edward, and we fell in love. Eventually, I became a part of his family, spending more time at his house than mine. Carlisle and Esme, Edward's parents, treated me as their daughter, and Alice, Jasper, Emmett, and Rosalie treated me as their sister. I had never had any siblings, and, considering that with both Renee and Charlie the roles of parent and daughter seemed reversed, you could say that I'd never had any parents either. It wasn't hard to believe that this wonderful part of my life would never end. But, somehow, it did. I hadn't even noticed that my new family had become the purpose of my life. Since they were brutally taken from me, I have been abandoned in this never-ending night.

These were—are—my Dark Ages. The times that I couldn't sleep, eat, talk, read, or do pretty much anything (except play the part for Charlie) without thinking of them. Thinking of them would only bring me excruciating pain. I was determined to never let it show, however. I never wanted anyone to know exactly how much pain I was in. I'm a pretty private person. I haven't done a good job though. I've lost a lot of weight, I am visually distraught because I find it unnecessary to make myself look visually appealing anymore, and my nightmares that have me screaming at night made it clear to Charlie that something was wrong. I argued with him, and he didn't make me go to Florida to Renee, or get any help on one condition: that I spent time with friends and started acting "normal". I have been, and everything has been going better (for him) until today, when I decided to make a pretty lousy decision in his eyes.

I just wished I hadn't survived. Anger boiled within me as I thought of Jake saving me. I know he was trying to do the right thing, but here I am, still breathing, the exact opposite of what I wanted to be doing right now. I couldn't live in this much pain. I hurt everyone. I hurt Charlie these past few months, Renee (though she was far away, she knew something was seriously wrong), Jacob (I can never be who he wants me to be. I guess I've been using him.), my school friends by closing myself off, and… the Cullens.

I have come to the conclusion that Edward wasn't lying. I was unwanted and unloved, a menace placed on him and his family. I was weak and human. I was convinced that his family felt the same.

I was broken from my reverie by a knock on my bedroom door. I looked up to see Charlie coming in with a blank look on his face. I'll never forget the words he said next.

"Isabella, I'm don't know what to do with you anymore. Your mother is coming to get you and there will be no arguments this time upon whether or not you are going. Her plane will arrive in two hours, and she plans on coming here and taking you away. She will decide what happens to you next. Furthermore, I'd like to say that I never want to see you again. You've inflicted too much pain on me and instead of growing up and moving on you've decided to persist and stay in the same place you were when Edward left months ago. Goodbye." He didn't even glance at me as he left the room and locked himself in his.

I stared blankly at the spot he was in for a few minutes before thinking coherent thoughts. I'd never heard him speak so sophisticatedly before; he'd never been educated! But I quickly shook that thought out of my head before allowing the pain to enter my system.

They left me. Jacob left me. And now Charlie did too. I blacked out.

I woke up to arms shaking me gently. "Bella?" I heard my mom's voice say.

I got up quickly. "Mom!" She glared at me. And then I knew that she was just as mad as Charlie.

She did a quick examination of my malnourished, unkempt body from head to toe. Shaking her head disappointedly, she told me to pack quickly because we were leaving.

I grabbed my duffle bag from underneath my bed and stuffed it with all of my few belongings and followed her to the car without saying goodbye again to Charlie. She didn't speak to me the entire journey to the airport or on the airplane. When we were in the car and near turning away from the direction of Jacksonville, I finally decided to break the silence.

"Mom?" I asked hesitantly. She didn't even give me a glance. I continued anyway. "Mom, are we going home?" She finally looked at me, and then pulled the car over.

"Bella, there's something you should know." I waited. "Bella, I'm pregnant."

What?! After a moment of shocked silence, I gained my composure and said, "That's great, Mom."

She looked down guiltily. "I'm taking you to live someplace… that you can get better." Silence.

"What do you mean, Mom?"

"Bella," she said before starting to drive again. She shook her head before saying. "Bella, I don't want my child to be around a reckless, suicidal—"

"Mom, you can't be serious," I said, eyes wide.

"I am."

"Where are we going?" I asked, eyes growing wide with panic.

She didn't answer and before I knew what was happening we were pulling into a place that I didn't recognize. It occurred to me instantly before we were in the parking lot where we were. An asylum.

"Let me out of the car," I said as calmly as I could. "LET ME OUT OF THE CAR!" I took off my seatbelt and began to violently attempt to open the door.

She parked in front of the building and next thing I knew, strong men were opening the door and pulling me out of the car. "I'm sorry, Bella." was the last thing I heard before Renee abandoned me and drove away.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

Alice POV

It has been months since Bella has left our lives, and I cannot say that we have been any better off. I glanced around at my unproductive family, two members short of what it should be. I wondered how Bella was coping. Edward had told me that I was not allowed to look into her future. However, I had looked into his and I know that he is taking the absence of his love worse than any of us. I flinched mentally at the image of what I had seen: him in a ball on the floor of a dirty attic somewhere in South America, completely useless.

My thoughts drifted back to Bella. She was always a very private person. She never spoke of her feelings to anyone, but she always had an ear for anyone who needed to. She was also very independent for her age, something I had quickly understood as a lack of parental nurturing, guidance, and discipline. I smiled a little at the memory of one of our family meetings what felt like forever ago…

"I can't take this anymore!" Carlisle had said angrily as he sat at the head of the table. "Bella's recklessness and lack of discipline are becoming the most noticeable thing in her character!"

Edward growled. "She is sweet and kind—some might even say that her actions are that of a martyr! How can you say those things about her?"

"Because she doesn't have a father! Or a mother!" Edward opened his mouth as if to argue but Carlisle interrupted him. "She doesn't have any parental guidance, Edward. If only I could—"

"I feel the same way, my love," said Esme softly, placing her hand on his. "She is like a daughter to me. No—she is my daughter."

Carlisle smiled appreciatively at her and calmed slightly. "As she is mine. And this independence of hers is not becoming. She is a child. I just wish we could do something to help her.

I was filled with a sense of longing for my sister and then determination as I decided what I must do. Jasper looked at me curiously as he felt my mixture of emotions. I smiled at him before I spoke to my family.

"I am going to look into Bella's future!"

"Not again," Rosalie said, annoyed.

"Alice," Carlisle's face looked pained. "You know what Edward said."

"But, as the father and the leader of the coven, you could overrule that," I said hopefully. He looked torn and I nudged Jasper to give me a little help. Carlisle laughed. My attempts had not gone unnoticed.

"What do you think, Esme?" he asked his wife.

She looked thoughtful for a moment. "I suppose one checkup wouldn't hurt. It would give us all some peace of mind." I looked at her appreciatively.

Carlisle said, "Than it's settled. Alice, you may look into Bella's future, just this once." He smiled.

I hadn't expected a "yes". Well, naturally I had but I still became overly-excited anyway. Jasper put a hand on my shoulder and I felt a wave of calm. He smiled encouragingly, and I put a hand over his to hold it there, and by his look I knew that he understood what I meant. If what I saw was too much to bear, he would be there to help me.

Once I had gotten everyone's attention, I closed my eyes purposefully and searched for Bella's future. At first, what I saw confused me. The room was white, and there was no furniture. And then I saw Bella and I shuddered. Bella was sitting on the floor, eyes blank and unseeing. She was extremely malnourished and her hair was cut short. She was wearing a white smock and loose white pants. She didn't move at any time during my vision, and I could tell that there was no fight left in her. What could have happened for her to have landed in a place like this?

Jasper POV

Nothing could have prepared me for the onslaught of emotions that Alice felt as she saw her vision. I held her tightly and moved her to my lap as shock, pain, and overwhelming sadness as I have only experienced on rare occasions flowed throughout her body. Carlisle looked at me nervously as we witnessed her body stiffen in stress. I immediately used the full force of my power on her and she relaxed only slightly. As her vision ended she turned and sobbed into my shirt.

Carlisle rushed over and knelt in front of us. "Alice. Alice, tell us what is wrong!"

She turned back to face the family but still clung to me for dear life. "It's B-Bella. Sh-sh-she is in… She is in…" She began to hyperventilate. I tried to relax her again and she looked at me gratefully. "She's in… an asylum," she whispered and gasps were heard throughout the room. "Her hair was cut short, the room is padded… She is really, really underweight and her eyes are so… Empty. She needs us, Carlisle." She looked at him pleadingly. "I don't know how she got there or why but… It's just like m-my past l-life." And she started to sob again.

Carlisle took Esme's hand and, without hesitation, said, "We're going to go and take her away. Everybody help to pack; we are going back to Forks."


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

Bella POV

I feel… empty. Alone. A part of me is telling me that this is where I'm going to stay forever. My parents disowned me, and I'll never see them again. I deserve this. I deserve to have my hair cut off; it was only another reminder of them anyways. Edward always saw my hair as one of my most beautiful features, and Alice loved to dress me up and do my hair. I deserve to be stuck in this white room with these white clothes, to never see colors again except for my skin and the food that is pushed through the lockable flap on the door. I deserve to never see the sky again. I deserve to never feel love again. I deserved to lose my family. I should have died when I jumped off that stupid cliff. Why did Jacob have to save me?

I feel like I'm losing myself, I thought as a tear slowly fell down my cheek. I'm giving up.

Carlisle POV

While everyone was packing the house up at an amazing speed, I decided that it was necessary to call my son, Edward.

Edward has been off in South America for a while now, never responding to Alice's or Esme's phonecalls. I myself decided that Edward needed the time to think and did not personally call him. I had a gut feeling that he would only answer my calls.

I dialed his number and my son answered on the third ring. There was silence on the other line.

"Edward? Son, are you there?"

"Carlisle," he replied in a monotone. I knew my son well, and I could tell simply by hearing his voice that he was not in a good state.

"Edward… It's Bella," I said, and I began to tell him everything from Alice's decision to see her future. I could tell that he was upset but I continued on until it was over. He was sobbing into the phone when I was finished.

"Edward. It's alright, son, but I need you to come home. Now," I said as sternly as I could without hurting his feelings further.

"Yes, sir," he answered softly and hung up. I called Alice to me and asked her if Edward was really coming home, and she said yes, that he was going to Forks and would meet us there.

I assisted my family with the remainder of the packing and after we loaded up the cars, we headed to Forks, our home.

Alice POV

I was in the passenger seat of my Porsche 911 Turbo with Jasper driving when it happened. I had a vision of Bella, this one more horrible than before.

I immediately took out my cell phone to call Carlisle, who was two cars in front of us. "Carlisle," I breathed the second he picked up.

"What is it, Alice?" he asked urgently.

"I just saw Bella… But it keeps changing. I don't know."

"Details, Alice."

"She is trying again, to kill herself. In the asylum."

"The authorities won't allow it. There are cameras in those rooms."

"I know," I cried. "That's the second part of the horror. Let me continue." I took a breath. "Carlisle, she hasn't made the decision yet, but she is either going to try to strangle herself with her shirt, or hold her breath and try to suffocate. She has truly lost the will to live, Carlisle!" I began to hyperventilate before I felt a sense of calm fill the car and clear my mind. "Once the authorities see her doing this, they are going to confine her in a chair. Carlisle." My stress broke through the calm. "Carlisle! What if they… They…"

He knew what I was trying to say. The whole family knew that when I was in the asylum in the 1920s, it was the shock treatments.

"They wouldn't do that today, Alice," he said, though slightly hesitant. After a slight pause, he continued, "Don't worry. We'll be there soon. And Edward will be there. It's all going to be okay, Alice."

"Thanks, Carlisle."

"Now relax, sweetie. We'll be there shortly." And he hung up.

I just hoped that we would be able to save her once we arrived.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

Edward POV

Somehow, I arrived in Forks before my family did. This surprised me, as I was returning from Brazil, and they from Alaska. Perhaps it's because they were taking the cars, loaded with all of their belongings and I took a plane and ran from Seattle.

I began to pace. I was only thinking these idle thoughts to distract myself from the dilemma at hand. Bella, my dear, sweet Bella was in harm's way. How could I have left her? I thought that I was keeping her safe, but… I can't believe that her parents disowned her! Surely they have if she's landed herself in government custody at an asylum! I left her in their hands, thinking that she would be safe and happy living a normal human life. What have I done to my precious love?

I was interrupted from my self-loathing when I heard a car pull into the driveway, and then another, and then another. Taking a deep breath, I turned to face the oncoming onslaught of the family I haven't seen in months.

Esme jumped out of the car as it was still moving upon sight of me. Within an instant, she was at my side giving me a tight hug that was full of love. Then, she turned to look at me. "Don't you ever do that to your poor mother again. I missed you so." I couldn't help but grin. "Yes, Mom."

Carlisle was at my side next. He put his hands firmly on my shoulders. "It's alright, son. This isn't something we can't fix. She'll be in your arms soon enough. But I need to tell you… Edward, she will not be physically or emotionally healthy in the least. I just need you to know this."

I looked at him with pleading eyes. "Carlisle, we need to go. Now."

"Yes, and we are going. There is just one errand I need to run," and he had a small smile on his face.

My eyes widened at his thought. "Carlisle… I hadn't even thought of that! But its absolutely necessary, considering…" My voice wandered off with my thoughts.

Emmett was standing nearby. "What is it?" He looked back and forth between the two of us.

Carlisle's smile grew a little. "I have to get custody of Bella, or else we are going to have to forcibly remove her."

"I don't mind!" said Emmett excitedly.

But I could see it in Carlisle's mind. He knew they could easily forcibly remove her, but… He really, really, really wanted to be able to call Bella his own. And he wasn't going to pass up the opportunity. This is not what he told Emmett, though.

"Emmett, the law clearly states that you have to be the guardian of the patient to proceed in checking said patient out. She is probably in the custody of the state…"

Jasper surprised us all by coming out of the house hand in hand with Alice and a stack of papers. Alice smiled.

"Alice told me over the ride that these would be necessary. So I contacted J. Jenks, and…" he looked at Alice. "He faxed them to me."

Carlisle looked as if he was going to cry with joy. "Thanks, son," he said meaningfully while taking the papers. "Now let's go and get Bella."

Bella POV

I had first tried to hold my breath until I was blue, but my instincts kicked in and rescued me with a deep breath. I knew that was not going to work. The only other option was to use the only thing I had, my clothes. I knew I'd have to be quick, because there was a camera in the room, looking for antics exactly like this. I was far beyond caring though. I took off my shirt and tied it around my neck.

Not even five seconds had passed before something like a SWAT team had shuffled in and held my arms behind my back. After replacing my shirt, they led me, struggling, to another room. One with a chair.

I immediately was reminded of Alice, and was rewarded with a jolt of pain within my torso at the thought of her. Alice, my best friend. The one I needed most at a time like this. But I'll never see her again.

They placed me in the chair and cuffed my wrists and ankles to it. I screamed and struggled and begged, but to no avail.

"You'd better stop that now, sweetheart," one of the men said harshly, earning himself laughs from the others. But I didn't listen. Before I knew it, an electrical shock was sent throughout my body. I silenced myself immediately.

After they had left the room and locked the door, I allowed myself to cry, and cry, and cry. I just wanted to die. Soon.

Days passed slowly and painfully. I managed to earn myself quite a few more shock treatments, partly because I thought I deserved some more pain and asked for it, and partly because I was not in a good state of mind.

I threw fits to earn myself more shock treatments because I kept allowing myself to think about them. My hallucinations were worse than ever, and I had begun to see not only Edward, but Alice, Carlisle, and even Esme. I just wanted to forget. The nightmares were really bad too. My screaming in my sleep would earn me a lot of punishments, and most of the time I would wake upon receiving them.

I stopped eating. I had no interest in life, and therefore no interest in food. I was punished for that, too. But I didn't care.

One day, I was sitting and not thinking when a man came into the room and removed me from my chair. I was too tired to care or think, when I was led into a room filled with people I was sure I'd never see again. The Cullens.

That was the moment that I knew I had lost it. My mind immediately tried to protect itself from the onslaught of pain from seeing their beautiful, sad faces, and I passed out.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

Edward POV

I watched as my love's numb face suddenly filled with shock and panic at the sight of us, and then she passed out. I was in shock. She was in such a state. Malnourished and exhausted and not taken care of…

Jasper appeared and put a hand on my shoulder. "You're going to have to be strong for her, Edward," he whispered to me. I nodded.

I was still standing in shock when Carlisle approached Bella and picked her up bridal style into his arms. "Thank you," he said to the man that had brought her in. Carlisle had already confirmed his guardianship of his daughter, and he was able to do as he pleased. He walked out the doors, through the lobby, and into the parking lot. Once we were outside, Carlisle told me, "Don't look at me like that, Edward. She's fine. Allow her mind to protect itself." He then promptly handed Bella over to me. "Do you have her? Good. Now sit in the backseat of Esme and I's car, so that I'll be there if anything happens." He shot a wary glance at Bella and then got into the car.

Halfway home, Bella's eyes opened and her heart rate increased dangerously. "Carlisle!" I whispered quickly, and so that only vampire ears could hear it.

Carlisle pulled over, got out of the car, reached into the backseat, and took Bella into his arms. "Shh… Shh…" he whispered to her as he cradled her in his arms. "Sweetheart, it's us, your family, and we're taking you away from that awful place." As if on cue, she started to cry. "What's the matter, sweetie? Do you want to talk about it?"

"I don't want to go back," she whispered.

"You'll never have to go back there, honey." Esme had appeared at Carlisle's other side.

"I don't want to… to…" and she drifted back into a stress-induced slumber.

Carlisle slipped Bella back into my waiting arms, and as we continued home I said softly, "Do you think that's what she meant? The asylum?"

"I was just thinking about that, Edward," he replied. "No. I think she was talking about Charlie's." I will be the father she never had, I heard in his thoughts.

When we arrived home about five minutes later, I gently placed Bella on the couch, and the family surrounded her, waiting to welcome her into the family with love. After a half hour, however, Bella began to have a nightmare. She wrapped her arms around her torso and began to scream. I quickly focused on Jasper's assessment and fell to my knees. She was suffering badly. He fought to control the emotions in the room, sending wave after wave of calm to everybody in my family, but especially Bella.

Once Jasper had relaxed Bella somewhat, she began to talk in her sleep. I recognized the openness that she usually had. In her sleep was the only time she let down her guard. Carlisle looked at me, scared. I quickly assured him that this is something she always does.

"Please—no! I need this! I deserve this!" she muttered in her sleep. "Don't save me! Let me die!"

There were gasps all around the room. Carlisle put his head in his hands. I remained in the kneeling position in complete shock. My Bella has reached new levels of lack of self-preservation while I was away.

A few minutes went by before she continued in a voice that had given up. "I understand why you're leaving. I'm human. I'm nothing. I only cause pain to people. I don't deserve you. Or Alice. Or Carlisle, or Esme, or Jasper, Emmett…" She sniffled. "Rosalie…" I glanced at Rosalie. She looked genuinely concerned. "Please just… Kill. Me. Now."

Carlisle ran from the room, and Emmett followed soon after. Esme and Alice ran towards Bella and began to hold her hand and stroke her face. Jasper hesitantly approached her and placed a hand on the exposed area of her back, to calm her more thoroughly. Rosalie simply stood in shock in the corner of the room.

I didn't know what to think, or what to do. Would an apology be enough?

Carlisle POV

I ran to my office. I needed to think. Pacing around the room, I began to realize what a serious condition Bella was in. It was much more serious than I was thinking. Other than being very malnourished and sleep-deprived, my daughter was emotionally scarred, not to mention physically. I ran a hand through my hair exasperatedly. In all my years of being a doctor, I've never had a patient in this bad of a condition. And she was family.

Part of me wanted to grab her and take her far away, so that I could privately work with her and sort through each individual issue, but I knew this wouldn't be possible. Edward was very possessive of his Bella, and Esme and Alice would want their share too.

Her physical issues would be easy to work with, I decided. The bigger issue at hand was her emotional condition. Bella has been abandoned numerous times and convinced that everything was entirely her fault not only by the people she counted on most, but by herself as well. Bella has never had a family before, but now she does. And, as her father, I am going to be there for all of the support and comfort that she needs, along with anything else I find necessary.

I heard an increased heartbeat, signaling that Bella was waking up. I ran downstairs to find Bella looking around the room with wide, scared eyes that were quickly filling with tears.

"Bella," Jasper was the first to speak. "Bella, this isn't a dream. I know that you feel as if this is not happening, but it is. You are here, with your family." There was a pause. "Darlin', whatever you're thinking that's making you feel that way, I want you to stop it right now! You are not worthless."

"I am," she said softly. She weakly got off the couch and stumbled to the door.

"Oh, no, you don't," I said before gently picking her up and placing her back on the couch. I held her there with both of my hands on her shoulders.

"Let me go!" She began to cry. "I must have really lost it… These hallucinations can't be good for me they're too real! I don't want to be… alive! I just want it to end!" I loosened my grip in shock and she managed to slip out of my hands and trip twice on her way out the door. Edward seemed to gain his focus and realize what was going on. He stood up and speedily went out the door, coming back in two seconds later with a struggling Bella thrown over his shoulder.

"Bella," I said only loud enough so she could just hear me, "You need to stop struggling and relax so that we can help you—"

"I. Don't. Want. Your. Help." said Bella, who was still struggling weakly in Edward's arms and beating his back with her fists. "Or your pity," she said much softer.

Bella was being very disobedient, but I gained my composure, understanding that all that she's been through is a good enough excuse. For now.

"Bella, I can very easily go and get my medical bag and knock you out with drugs if you don't cooperate."

She winced. "At least I wouldn't feel any more pain." She said it so softly that only a vampire's ears would be able to detect it.

"Oh, Bella," said Esme sadly. Bella stopped struggling and, turning her head into Edward's neck, she began to cry.

Was this a breaking point?


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

Bella POV

There is no question in my mind that this is a dream, because it is not unlike ones I've had before; however, it is considerably more dangerous. I've finally given into it only because I've decided that this is so much better than the hell I was living in in reality. There, I was alone and unwanted. Here, my imagination had conjured up a situation far better than anything that could ever occur in actuality.

This may be better than reality, but it is still terribly painful. The people I'd grown so attached to were just so tangible in this dream. Carlisle and Esme: the parents I never had, but somehow, though I'd never realized until I met them, needed desperately. Alice: the sister I'd never known I wanted and my true best friend that was there for me through thick and thin, one of the people that had hurt me most to lose. Emmett: the strong, dependable big brother, and Rosalie: the sister that I've always thought I would potentially get along with if only we could spend more time together. Jasper: he was always there for the support that my insecurities and doubts required. And, finally… Edward: my other half, the person I loved more than humanly possible, the person I would die if I lost. And I had.

I was wrong, I decided. This is significantly worse than reality. And I need to wake up.

I allowed my emotions to leave me as I slipped back into my numb, thoughtless state of protection. I glanced around the room. Each face was still staring at me intently, and each look brought a stab of pain through the hole in my chest. I couldn't escape into nothingness when my hallucinations were so vivid around me. I closed my eyes. Ah, here is the place where I see nothing, feel nothing.

"Jasper!" I heard Edward whisper frantically. "Jasper, what's happening?"

"She's… going away. Emotionally. She's slowly feeling a certain… detachment that I can't explain." His voice was drenched with concern. But, along with my visual surroundings, I was making the voices fade away.

As if from a distance, I heard Edwards panicked voice say, "Do something!"

I suddenly felt an onslaught of emotions. First joy, then sadness, anger, frustration, impatience, disgust, trust, anticipation, and surprise. I recognized them, but I didn't feel them as any normal person would. It was as if they simply bounced off the shield that had formed around my heart. Considering that I hadn't felt any of them except for sadness in a long time, it was almost painful to be put through this analysis.

I carefully opened my eyes. As I had hoped, I saw nothing.

Felt nothing.

Was nothing.

Carlisle POV

I rushed over to my daughter where she was, stoic and nearly lifeless in my son's arms. I took her from him and sat on the couch with her cradled in my arms. "Jasper, we need to get her back!"

"There's nothing I can do!"

"There has to be something! Just try!"

He glanced at Alice. "Alice, if I try again, are my efforts in vain?"

Her face went blank as she searched the future. "No. You can bring her back, but she won't appreciate it." She turned away from us so as not to show how sad she truly was.

I handed Bella to Jasper, where he took my place, holding Bella in the same position. With one hand on her back and the other on the side of her face, he looked into her eyes and used the maximum force of his gift to bring his sister back. After a few minutes, she stirred but did not come out of her trance.

"She's fighting me," Jasper said softly.

"Just don't stop," I said encouragingly.

It wasn't long before the entire room heard her heartbeat quicken and saw her frightened eyes open. Looking up at Jasper, her expressionless look changed to one of confusion.

"You brought me back, didn't you?" she said hoarsely.

"I did, darlin'," he answered softly, his expression pained. She must feel incredibly hurt for him to show signs of feeling an emotion. Usually, he just puts on a brave face and endures it.

"But then… but if your power worked… then… I'm not dreaming." Her eyes filled with tears.

"We've been trying to tell you that all along," he said soothingly to her. I could tell that he was trying to calm her with more than words.

She glanced around the room and her eyes fell on me. "Can I leave?" she asked. She knew our family well if she remembered that I was the decision-maker of the household.

I shook my head sadly. "No."

"But," she began, her voice rising steadily. "Please. I don't want to be here. You can't make me stay—"

"Actually, I can. Bella, while you were in the asylum, I got custody of you. I am legally your father."

She looked at me with horror. "Carlisle! I'm eighteen!"

I had thought of this. However, because she was in an insane asylum, she was under custody of the state and required a guardian to be checked out by. Also, to me, she was absolutely still a child. "Bella, this is not up for discussion. You are a child!"

She blushed deeply and weakly climbed out of Jasper's arms. "I'm leaving."

Emmett was already standing in the doorway, blocking her path. "I'm sorry, baby sister," he said sincerely.

"I'm not your sister!" she said harshly. She turned on me. "Carlisle. You can't do this. It's not fair. And it's not legal!"

"What is fair and what is legal are two completely different things in this household," I said softly. "Jasper."

"Oh, no no no," she said, glancing at him, her eyes already drooping from the nostalgia that he was employing on her.

"It's going to be alright, sweetheart," Edward whispered to her kindly. She fell into his waiting arms, unconscious.

I glanced at Jasper. "We need to have a family meeting. Jasper, continue to keep her in this condition until we decide what to do. Everyone in the dining room. Now."


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

Jasper POV

I actually felt tired from my attempts to soothe Bella. It was such a strange feeling. I reluctantly followed my family into the dining room after settling Bella on the couch. I would focus my empathetic ability on her while participating in the conversations. That was one of the amazing things about being a vampire, the ability to multitask.

Carlisle took his seat at the head of the table, and we all followed suit in our respective seats. We waited while he sat, deep in thought. Esme took his hand.

After a while, we heard Edward growl. "No! That is NOT an option!" he shouted.

"We have very few, Edward," Carlisle glared back. "It might be the best we have! Now, if you don't mind, I need to finish thinking before we discuss this, with the entire family."

He nodded reluctantly and Carlisle drifted back into his musings. After a few more minutes, I felt frustration coming off him. I sent a light calming wave to him, so as not to disturb Bella's carefully-controlled coma. He looked at me gratefully.

After glancing around the room, he said, "Well, I can't see many options. Before I begin, do any of you have any ideas?"

"I do!" Alice said excitedly. I had been so preoccupied monitoring Bella and watching Carlisle that I hadn't noticed that my wife was close to bursting with excitement.

Everybody looked at her hopefully. Her face went blank before she said, "Nope! Wait— No, never mind. I totally agree with you, Rosalie. That'd be too hard on her."

Rosalie rolled her eyes and Emmett, with his head in his hand and his elbow on the table, said glumly, "We'll never know."

Carlisle broke the silence by saying, "Well, if nobody has any ideas, I will make my suggestions. First of all, I know that you'd like to hear the one that Edward was so insistent upon denying. I, personally, believe that it is our best option."

"No!" Edward stood up, furious. I focused all of my abilities on calming him and removing the tension from the room, completely forgetting about Bella.

"Edward," Carlisle said sternly, standing up as well. "I will not tolerate—" But he stopped. We all did. Turning our heads to the direction of the living room, we listened to the sound of a frantic heartbeat and stumbling footsteps leading to the front door. "Jasper!" Carlisle shouted.

But she was too far away for me to refocus my ability, so instead I sped out of the room and physically captured her in my iron grip. Before I could put her back into the coma, however, Carlisle appeared with his hands in the air, stopping me.

"Bella," he said, calmly, watching her struggle. "I'm going to give you a choice. Either you cooperate, or you are going right back to sleep."

"No!" she shouted, eyes streaming with tears. Her next words were a quiet jumble. "Who cares anyway my life is meaningless I don't need anybody I'm an adult I can take care of myself…"

"No, you can't," said Carlisle, just as softly. And then, as if seeing her for the first time, said, "Bella! You need to eat! You need a shower, and a good sleep!"

Bella stopped struggling enough to raise an eyebrow at Carlisle as if to say, "Are you being serious right now?" Aloud, she simply said "No."

Carlisle pinched the bridge of his nose and closed his eyes. "Bella. Either you eat, or I am giving you a feeding tube. Is that clear?"

There was a pause before she said, "I'm an adult and I am no longer a part of this family. You left me—" She closed her eyes and took a deep breath before continuing. "Simply stated, I can make my own decisions now. And I'm leaving."

She sensed Carlisle was about to speak and shouted, "YOU LEFT ME, AND I CAN JUST AS WELL LEAVE YOU!" Her eyes opened and shot at Carlisle, as if daring him to argue.

He looked around at the family. "My decision's been made. Jasper, knock her out, please."

She gasped and a jolt of fear spread through her body as she looked at me.

"Darlin', everything is going to be okay," I soothed her. I sent calming waves to her as she backed herself into the nearest wall. The family followed Carlisle into the dining room.

"Jasper," she whispered, eyes wide. "What's going to happen to me?"

"Whatever happens," I replied, "Just remember that we're doing it for your wellbeing. Why can't you see how much this family loves you? We left because Edward thought it would be best for you. We are here to take care of you!"

I could feel that she couldn't see, that she thought she was all alone, unloved. She also felt very independent, that nobody should take care of her. She felt guilty for having so many people fuss about her, despair and disbelief that the fuss was actually about her, and stubbornness. I was surprised that she was even functional in this condition.

She didn't reply but gave me a pleading look. I could only respond with a reassuring look as I took away her consciousness once again.

What were we going to do with Bella?

Carlisle POV

It was tough decisions like these that made my position as leader of the coven and father of the family so difficult. After witnessing Bella's antics, I saw clearly in my mind what I was going to do, and not even Edward would stop me.

I was going to do exactly what he'd hoped I wouldn't.

As soon as we all had returned to the table, I addressed my family. "I want Bella to stay with Esme and me until I say otherwise. Edward, Alice… I know how hard it will be for you but you, Rosalie, Jasper, and Emmett will have to go away for a while. Maybe take an extended hunting trip. Or visit our extended family in Alaska. All I care is that Bella gets this time with her parents to sort things out. I am going to get Bella physically and emotionally stable before you return. Stable. It won't take long. She may be overwhelmed by everybody's presence. Once we return, you can all assist in helping Bella reappear as the wonderful daughter and sister we all knew and loved, happy and healthy. Have I made myself clear?" I glanced at all of the stunned faces around the table. Obviously, this wasn't what they'd expected.

"Carlisle," Edward looked at me, his face pained. "You know I can't do that."

I reached across the table and took his hands in mine. "I know you can."

I looked into his eyes and tried to put all of my good intentions and the love I felt for my daughter into my thoughts. After a moment, he nodded and smiled slightly. "I know you'll take great care of her, Carlisle," he said confidently. I was glad he had finally agreed. He had no choice in the matter, but I'd rather he left by his own choice rather than by force.

"Does anybody have anything else to say? No? Alright, kids, shoo. Get ready to leave by tonight."

I looked at Esme. I needed to know what she thought of my hasty decision.

She kissed me lightly before saying, "We'll be able to help her, Carlisle. Don't worry."

I hadn't even realized that I had a worried expression plastered on my face, but it was justified. It was going to be hard, I thought morosely. But worth it.


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

Bella POV

I awoke slowly and painfully, as if I had been pushing as hard as I could, trying to break through an immovable force. In this place, I couldn't think; I didn't even know who I was. And then, suddenly, it faded, and then it was gone. As soon as I became conscious, I realized what had happened. Jasper must have relaxed his power over me. I lay where I was, eyes closed. I had to come up with a plan before my awareness alerted them. And that was if the past events hadn't been a dream. Or the product of insanity.

First priority: I need to get out of here. Wherever I am, the asylum or the home of the Cullens (I winced), it doesn't matter. I'm alive. While alive, I still have the potential to hurt others and hurt myself. I might begin to trust somebody.

My mind wandered. Why were they doing this? They left me! Obviously I didn't mean anything to them. Like Laurent had said, I was simply their pet. Their distraction, their toy. Why weren't they there when it mattered most?

Those times were gone. There is no reason for me to dwell on the past anymore. My time is up. Now, I just need to focus on existing in the present only and fulfilling my potential.

No, potential isn't the right word. I have no potential.

Anxiously, I opened one eye the smallest bit to see if I was alone. I was. And I was no longer in the living room. I was in Edward's bedroom. They must have relocated me in my slumber.

I opened both of my eyes and looked around. We were on the third story, and there it was. The window.

I did not forget Alice's ability. As soon as I realized I'd made a decision, I quickly ran to do it before I'd waited too long and I couldn't. I wanted to jump out the window.

I reached the window. Using all of my miniscule strength, I wrenched it open and climbed onto the ledge. Esme appeared in the doorway. "Carlisle!" she cried. I scarcely had enough time to recognize her horrified expression before I jumped.

Ooof! I landed painfully in Carlisle's stone arms. I glanced up at his face. His disappointment was so intense that I immediately looked back down. He carried me inside. I didn't know where we were going as we walked up the stairs, but I guessed that we were returning to Edward's room. I was wrong. After he turned a corner and shut the door, I realized that we were in Carlisle's office.

He sat me in a chair, knelt in front of me and put his hands on my shoulders. Looking into my eyes, he said, "Bella. What were you thinking?"

I didn't know how to respond, and so I didn't. His voice sounded sincerely worried, and I couldn't help but believe that he cared about me, if only for a brief moment.

"Do you think we are going to leave you again? Is that why you want to leave us first?"

I hadn't thought about it that way before, but I immediately recognized this as the truth. I didn't respond to this either, but he could see the answer in my eyes.

He pulled me to my feet. "Bella, we are never going to leave you."

I didn't say anything.

"Bella, we are never going to leave you," he repeated.

I didn't respond, but found myself taking a step back.

"Bella, we are never going to leave you."

I started breathing faster. This is harsh! What is he trying to do? I took another step back.

"Bella, we are never going to leave you."

Pain ripped through my chest. No, I was not going to allow this to affect me. My next step pushed my back against the wall.

"Bella. We are never, never going to leave you ever again."

That did it. I sunk to the floor, hyperventilating. I pulled my knees up to my chest and began to sob, with my face in my hands.

"Oh, Bella," Carlisle whispered and knelt down to hug me. I found myself leaning into his embrace, relishing the feeling as I continued to sob.

I peeked through Carlisle's arms to see Esme standing in the doorway. "Esme," I heard myself say through my emotional breakdown. "I missed you so much!"

She was next to me in the blink of an eye and joined Carlisle in the hug. When they released me, I found myself blushing as I looked at them sheepishly. "Where are the others?" I asked.

Carlisle glanced at Esme before answering, "They're away right now, sweetie. Before they return, we want you to spend some time with us."

Confused and hurt that they had left without saying goodbye, I looked down at the floor before nodding.

The next thing I knew, Esme had scooped me up in her arms and we were flying downstairs. She set me down at a stool in the kitchen and said, "What would you like for breakfast, Bella, dear?"

"N-nothing, please."

"Now we're not going to do that, are we, Bella?" Carlisle had appeared in the doorway.

"I'm not hungry."

Esme took out a container of apple sauce and poured some into a bowl. After grabbing a spoon, she sat down at the stool beside me. "Bella, it's really important that you eat so that you can get your strength up. Remember, the sooner you're a little better, the sooner the rest of your family can come back home. Now, open wide." She took a spoonful of applesauce and directed it towards my mouth.

I felt a mixture of emotions. She had said "your family". I wanted more than anything to be able to believe that she felt that way. I also felt kind of uncomfortable that she was feeding me like I was some little kid. I could take care of myself.

And yet… the gesture was so tempting. I never allow anybody to take care of me. But it would be nice to be able to let my guard down and let somebody else handle all of my worries.

I knew what I wanted. And for the time being, I decided to forget about what I needed or thought I needed.

I opened my mouth…

Carlisle POV

I couldn't believe I was witnessing this. Bella was cooperating! She was actually doing what she was asked to do, and visibly relaxing! Even without Jasper's ability, I could almost see the joy radiating off my wife as she fed Bella. Now this is a breakthrough, I thought.

I left the room to give them some privacy. I took out my cell phone and dialed Edward's number, just like I'd promised him.

"Carlisle?" he answered on the first ring.

"Edward, I just wanted to let you know that everything is fine. Bella woke up, and yes, there was a teeny problem but it was solved quickly, and now, Esme is giving Bella food."

There was a pause. "What do you mean there was a teeny problem? And what is this about Esme giving Bella food?"

"Edward, I'll make this brief because I don't want you to needlessly worry. Upon awaking, Bella jumped out your window. But I caught her!" I said quickly before he could overreact. There was a deep inhale of breath on the other line and I chose to continue. "And, as for Esme giving Bella food, she refused to eat, but somehow she is cooperating when Esme is spoon-feeding her apple sauce."

There was another pause. "Does she know we're gone?"

"Yes," I said softly. "She was upset."

"We're coming home."

"I don't know about that, Edward…" I gave it a moment of consideration. Edward sounded desperate on the other line. Bella needed Edward. I could really use Jasper's abilities right now to help Bella… And she could really use Alice as a best friend for support. Emmett and Rosalie needed to be here to complete the family and be siblings to Bella.

Edward seemed to know what I was thinking, like always. "Carlisle, she needs us! We need her. Please."

"Alright, Edward, but please remind your siblings to not be too exuberant. She's in a fragile state."

I hung up, smiling. I was worrying too much. It doesn't all have to be on my shoulders. Everything is going to be alright.


	9. Chapter 9

Thank you to everyone who has been reading my story. I would like to remind my readers that since I wrote this story so long ago, I have no more than a general recollection of what it is about. This also means that any plot or grammar issues will have been made long before I received my Bachelor's in English.

Enjoy :)

Chapter 9

Esme POV

I heard Carlisle and Edward's phone conversation as I was feeding Bella. Well, if they were coming home, there were a few things that we had to get done beforehand, and we only had a couple of hours.

First, I have to finish feeding my daughter, I thought, calming myself. I looked into Bella's face, which was blotchy from exhaustion and thinner than it used to be because of her weight loss. Her eyes were blank, and her expression was emotionless. I smiled at her encouragingly as I went to deliver her third spoonful of applesauce.

I couldn't help but feel my heart warm every time she opened her mouth for me. My baby daughter was trusting me. I always knew her insecurities were deeper than they were broad, but I never thought that our leaving would affect her this much or I would have refused to leave in the first place. Yes, I begged and pleaded. I would've rather done anything than leave my vulnerable baby to fend for herself. When we left, it was like losing my child all over again. I felt the same pain that I had when I jumped off the cliff as a human. I would've probably fallen apart if Carlisle hadn't been there to hold me up.

Ah, Carlisle. What a guy.

I was broken from my reverie by none other than the man himself. "Esme," he called from the other room, soft enough that only I could hear him. "I'm sure you've heard that the children are on their way home. They shouldn't be home for an hour or two, so please prepare Bella as only you can." I smiled. He knew me so well.

After I had finished feeding Bella, I brought the spoon and bowl to the sink to wash them. While scrubbing, I glanced up at Bella, and her eyes were staring unseeingly at the wall across from her. I finished with vampire speed and appeared in front of her. "Bella, darling, you're going to need to take a shower. Would you like my help?"

She shrugged feebly.

"Bella," I said concernedly. "I think it'd be best… If you would let me help you." She looked so terribly weak and fragile. Her detachedness was worrying me, to the point where I truly believed that she wouldn't get anything accomplished on her own. She didn't have the physical strength or the willpower.

She didn't respond, so I scooped her up in my arms and brought her upstairs and into Carlisle and I's bathroom. I closed the lid of the toilet and sat her down on it. As I undressed her, her face continued to look blank and empty. I couldn't wait to get her in the shower to see if the hot water would affect her at all.

I was horrified by what I saw. "Bella," I chided. I had to say something. "Why did you do this to yourself?"

She didn't look up at me as she said in a monotone, "Why not?"

I silently carried her into the shower before setting her down and replying, "Because you're worth more than that, that's why." I turned on the water to a warm temperature.

"I'm not," she said so softly that if it wasn't for my exceptional hearing I wouldn't have heard it.

I didn't say a word as I washed her hair (which was as short as Alice's now) and body. I waited until we had gotten out of the shower until I said, "Bella. Please, speak to me. Just tell me why."

"Why what?"

"Why… You've so terribly forgotten yourself. Why you've given up." As I spoke, I dried and dressed her, and then carried her to Carlisle and I's bed.

She still didn't look at me as she replied in the same monotone, "Please don't do this anymore. You don't need to feel guilty about anything. It's all entirely my fault."

"What is, Bella?" I said, beginning to get seriously concerned, even more than I was already.

"That my friends left me, that my parents left me, that you all left me… That he left me, especially." She looked up at me then, with emotionless eyes. I could tell that she was fully convinced that this was true, but I didn't interrupt her, giving her time to finally speak her feelings. "What he told me in the forest was nothing new. I was already aware that I was nothing, that I was just a weak human. And I was just kidding myself to think that he loved me… I wasn't good enough for him; he didn't want me. Neither did my parents. It's completely understandable. I would leave myself if I could…"

I opened my mouth to speak, but she held up a hand, interrupting me.

"But the last thing I ever will want is pity." Her voice was firm. "That's why I'd do anything to just leave now. Yes, as I said earlier, I miss each and every one of you more than anything in this whole world, but I simply don't deserve it. And I don't ever want to burden you ever again." Tears began to fall down her face. "Esme, look at me. I'm broken. Unfixable. There's nothing you can ever do to fix this mess that I've become. It's not worth your time. I'm not worth it."

I knew then that I needed the rest of the family here, especially Jasper, if I wanted to make any impact on my daughter emotionally. This was going to be the hardest part to fix.

At that moment, Carlisle appeared in the doorway. He sped towards Bella and took his place by my side. Taking her face in both of his hands, he looked into her eyes and didn't look pleased at what he saw. "Bella, I do not ever want to hear you say those things again. I especially do not want you to ever think it. Instead, you are to always think the opposite, because only in the opposite does the truth lie."

Her expression didn't change, but there may have been something different in her eyes, something better.

We were going to have to work on that.


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10

Jasper POV

We were running home at a slower pace than usual for two reasons. First of all, Carlisle and Esme had requested some extra time with Bella before we arrived. The second reason was not mine to share with my family, although it was quite obvious, in my opinion. Edward was lagging behind because he was torn between his two sides of reasoning. Of course, my ability couldn't see the reasoning behind these feelings but I had a theory: On instinct, he wanted more than anything to go home to care for his mate. But his other more comprehensible side was telling him that, clearly, Bella didn't want to be near him. She had begged to leave. He knew just by looking at her how much he had hurt her, and he detested himself.

I guess his instinctive side is winning. Or he knows that if he runs for it, we'll be there to pull him back.

I sent a wave of calm and confidence to him, and he was so deep in his brooding that he didn't even seem to notice that it came from me. He just stood up straighter and walked a little faster. My beautiful Alice, who never misses a beat, took my hand as we ran and I felt approval and love radiate from her.

When we reached Forks, she released my hand and sped in front of us. I smiled. She was excited to return home and anxious to care for Bella.

When we were about a quarter of a mile from our house, I stopped. Dead.

Bella was certainly not containing her emotions anymore. The intensity of it all was enough to bring me to my knees.

They were all so anxious to be home that they didn't notice I had stopped. I saw Alice turn to smile at me, but, noticing I was no longer there, looked around frantically. "Jasper?" She wasn't used to being taken off guard. She must have been too preoccupied thinking about Bella.

Then she saw me. The others turned and looked too.

There I was. Pitiful. On my knees. Wavering between moving forward… Or getting as far away from that place as I possibly could.

As I made my decision, Alice and Edward came rushing towards me. Alice had obviously had a vision and Edward had read her mind. Why would I even consider running? I could never leave Alice. And Bella obviously needed me. Bad.

Embarrassed, I quickly stood up before they got to me. Wiping the dirt off my knees, I casually looked around me, as if nothing had happened.

Alice looked at me seriously. "What's wrong, Jasper?"

"Nothing," I lied. I did not want to worry them. "Just… Grateful to be back home. I love this place!"

They weren't buying it. But before they could ask me again, I caught up with Emmett and Rosalie where they were waiting for us, about two hundred feet away. They looked at me curiously. "Just glad to be home," I repeated with a smile and continued onward. I could sense their confusion as I went ahead of them all, but there was no point in explaining. I didn't want to worry them. They would see for themselves soon enough.

When I reached the house, I stopped and my siblings skidded to a stop next to me. We stood in a line, looking up at the building that we called home, a united front, ready to take on whatever met us inside. Alice took my hand. We all looked at each other, nodded, and continued on at human pace to the front door.

Alice POV

Esme and Carlisle appeared in front of us upon entry of the living room. Upstairs, I could hear a heartbeat, speeding and stressed. At least she was in her room and had stopped making escape attempts… and life-threatening stunts. We couldn't relax now, though. She might try again, any time.

Carlisle and Esme were tense. It must have been tough, having to handle Bella all alone. I watched as they visibly relaxed. Jasper was so helpful. I gave his hand a squeeze.

"Bella's awake," Jasper said. It wasn't a question.

"She is laying on the bed in Esme and I's room," said Carlisle.

I couldn't hide my concern any longer. "Is she alright?" I asked, louder than I meant to be.

"Yes and no," said Esme. "But she—"

Esme was interrupted by an unexpected weak voice coming from upstairs. "Alice?"

Everybody's eyes widened. Disappointment flashed across Edward's face. My heart leapt with hope.

"Go to her, Alice," said Carlisle.

I didn't need to be told twice. I ran at vampire speed to Carlisle and Esme's bedroom, but slowed to human pace as I walked in.

Bella was sitting on the bed, above the blankets. She was hugging her knees to her chest. Her face, no longer an empty mask, was contorted in pain. Her cheeks were blotchy and her eyes were red from uncontrolled sobbing. That explained my parents' tension.

I climbed on the bed and sat across from her, taking her hands in mine. I kept moving my head, trying to catch her unwilling eyes that never looked in my direction. "Bella," I gently put my hand on her cheek and directed her face towards mine. "Talk to me, sweetie."

She finally looked into my eyes and put her released hand on top of mine on her cheek, as if to hold it there. She opened her mouth, as if about to speak, but immediately closed it again. Her expression remained calm, but her eyes were wild, distressed. I needed to calm her.

"Tell me what's wrong."

"I'm fine." Every part of her was screaming otherwise: her eyes, her voice, her heart rate. She was always a bad liar, and she should see how obvious the lie was now.

I gave her a look that clearly said 'try again'.

"I am," she continued. "I just… wanted to tell you… that you'll always be my best friend. Always. And I will never, ever blame you for any of this. None of you are to blame. Everything. Is. Fine." She seemed to be convincing herself of this more than me. Tears were forming in her eyes but she didn't seem to notice. "You just n-need to understand that… that…" She was falling apart at the seams.

"Jasper," I called. She didn't even notice. "What do I need to understand, honey?" I wiped at her tears with my thumb that was already on her cheek.

Jasper appeared at my side, but Bella didn't seem to see him, or even me anymore. In a moment of mutual understanding, I removed my hand from Bella's cheek and scooted over on the bed, making room for Jasper to take my spot. He immediately sat down across from Bella and took her face into his hands. "Bella, I need you to calm down." Her heart rate was going dangerously fast.

Her breathing slowed as Jasper's power flooded her system. Closing her eyes, she said, weakly, "You need to understand that… I need to leave. I'm fine! I can take care of myself." She opened her eyes and tried to get up, but Jasper held her down. "Jasper!" she gasped, as if seeing him for the first time. "Let me go! I'm fine!"

"No, you're not," he said as she struggled. "Stop fighting! From now on, Bella, this is how it's going to go if you won't cooperate. You won't get anywhere." Her struggles slowed and her eyes began to droop from Jasper's influence.

"I don't want to sleep," she slurred.

"You definitely need it, darlin'," said Jasper. "But you probably wouldn't have to right now if you relaxed."

Slowly, she stopped fighting and, with Jasper's help, relaxed her tense muscles. Some color appeared in her skin, and she closed her eyes in relief. "Thank you, Jasper."

"Anytime." He looked at me with a smile. "I'm going to leave you two ladies to talk some. Let me know if you need me."

"Don't I always?" Bella's eyes were still closed, so I continued in a whisper at vampire speed, indecipherable to human ears. "Keep close by and monitor her emotions. If it gets bad, please step in again. She needs it. We'll discuss your findings later."

He kissed me briefly and whispered, "don't worry" as he flew out of the room. His words still seemed to linger around me along with the shot of confidence.

Bella POV

I opened my eyes to see Alice still sitting there, patiently. Part of me was surprised she hadn't left. Looking at her, I knew I had so much I wanted to say to her, but I couldn't form words. Then it occurred to me that I had already told her how I felt, in those darn emails that I had written to her. That she never replied to. A wave of rejection washed through me. She didn't care then, so she surely she feels no different now.

Alice must have noticed my change in expression. "Please, Bella! Talk to me! We're best friends; you can tell me anything, remember?" She was visibly distressed now.

Taking in a deep breath, I said, "Alice, why didn't you ever reply to my emails?"

She wasn't expecting this question. "You… sent me emails?" Intense guilt was plain on her features.

I nodded.

"Edward… Demanded that I cut off every previous connection that may have led you to me. To our family."

I knew it was something like this. I looked down at my hands, defeated.

"I could look and read them, if you'd like," she said hopefully.

I nodded and then looked up at her. "Alice, I missed you so much." I tried to put everything left unsaid into this fervent statement. Like how I hoped she'd never leave me, how I hoped she'd always be there for me when I needed her, how I hoped I didn't hurt her feelings, how I hoped she understood why I felt so… bad. How I loved her so entirely, as a best friend and sister. How I trusted her so much.

Jasper appeared in the doorway. I looked at him curiously, because I wasn't in a depressed rage at the moment.

"I can show her, if you'd like," he said softly. And then I understood and nodded enthusiastically. He smiled and took all of my love, desperation, trust, and passion that I was feeling towards Alice and showed her. She squealed in surprise and then pounced on me with a hug.

"I will never leave you, Bella," she whispered in my ear.

Her sincere words finally hit something inside of me. But before I could believe it, as much as I wanted to, I needed to talk to her after she read the emails.

I reached my arms around Alice and hugged her back.

It couldn't hurt to believe it, just a little.


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11

Rosalie POV

I stood with my family, all of us silently listening to Bella and Alice's conversation upstairs. Bella was having trouble telling Alice something, but we all knew that if she was going to open up to anybody, it would definitely be Alice.

"You need to understand that… I need to leave. I'm fine! I can take care of myself," we heard Bella say softly after Jasper had calmed her.

"Why don't we let her?" I hissed at Edward, since he was always the one in charge of her.

He growled, "Carlisle thinks it's best if we keep her here for a while. And I love her, Rose!"

"Is that why you left?"

"Yes, it is! I left to keep her safe!"

"Stop bickering like children before Bella hears you," scolded Esme. "It will upset her further."

We stood quietly for a few minutes before I said, "Listen to her. A burden that you chose to inflict upon us all."

Edward lunged towards me but Emmett shoved him right out the front door with a casual movement of his arm.

"Rosalie," Carlisle whispered dangerously. "You need to stop this childish nonsense right now. You are going way too far. In case you forget, we are the ones that went and got Bella. We chose to."

"I didn't—"

"I am the leader of this family, and she is a part of it."

"I wasn't suggesting that you weren't the leader," I said through my teeth.

There was a pause before Carlisle continued, "Rosalie, I think that you should know that upon examination of Bella while you were away, I have seen many similarities between her condition and the one you were in when I found you. The physical severity of yours is the emotional severity of hers."

I was shocked. I wanted to go and see for myself, but at that moment, Alice and Jasper came down the staircase, hand-in-hand and smiling.

"What are you so happy about?" asked Emmett.

"Progress," Alice said simply, bouncing on her heels impatiently.

Jasper, most likely sensing the confusion in the room, elaborated, "She's beginning to trust Alice."

Yeah, with your help, I couldn't help thinking.

He looked at me, feeling my accusation. "I didn't do anything. It was all her." Emmett raised an eyebrow. Jasper continued guiltily, "Sure, maybe I gave her a little nudge…"

Emmett burst out laughing and I couldn't help but to join in.

Alice suddenly flitted outside. "Edward?" she said, concerned.

Edward was outside, still lying in the place in the yard that he had landed when Emmett pushed him. We followed Alice outside.

"Edward? What is the matter, son?" Carlisle asked, even though he knew the answer.

Edward slowly stood up and walked past everyone back inside. I couldn't help but smirk. My words must've hit a nerve. Jasper looked at me angrily. You can never have privacy in this family.

Alice POV

Edward and I have a very good relationship. It is sometimes difficult being the mind-reader in the family, partly because of the guilt it brings on him for invading of the privacy of others and partly because of the stress of things he would rather not know. I can relate to him better than any other in the world, as I constantly have the same feelings due to my gift. However, I was sure that there was nothing I could do to help the current situation, so, grabbing Jasper's hand, we raced up the staircase to our bedroom. I felt that I would need his support in order to fulfill my promise.

Without asking what I was doing, he stood behind me as I sat in the chair by the computer and stroked my cheeks with the backs of his hands lovingly. I knew he felt the tenor of my already strained emotions: anxious and sad. I should have checked my email with or without my stubborn brother's permission.

For the first time in months, I logged into my email, and let out a small breath of air at what I saw. Amidst all of the junk mail from big-name fashion companies (etc…), There must have been about fifteen emails from my best friend, Bella. I decided to start from the first one. It was hard to see how the emails became smaller and smaller as they went, from five-paged journal-like entries to single-worded pleas for help.

Dear Alice, You've disappeared, like everything else. But who else can I talk to? I'm lost, Alice. When you left—when he left—you took everything with you. And the absence of him is everywhere I look.

Dear Alice, Time passes, but every tick that goes by… aches. But in a way I'm glad. The pain is the only reminder that he was real—that you all were.

Dear Alice, I wish you were here. I need you.

Dear Alice, Please forgive me.

Alice, Please reply.

Dear Alice, I'm getting a little better now. There's this boy; his name is Jacob Black. I asked him to… help me with something, and since then we've become friends in a way. Being with him is a distraction from the empty void that my life has become. I know you'll never come back, so until I make my decision about what to do with my life, this will suffice.

Dear Alice, I was in the woods the other day, trying to find the meadow that… he… and I loved more than any other place, when I encountered Laurent. He came for Victoria, and he wanted to kill me. But, all of the sudden, these giant wolves came and saved me! I know it sounds strange, but it's true. It was an emotionally exhausting day.

Dear Alice, I found out that Jacob is a werewolf.

Dear Alice, I think Jacob wants more from me than what I can give him. I will never be able to offer him any sort of love, because my heart belongs to… Edward. He gets angry at me often because of my deficiency.

Dear Alice, I found a way to control my pain. If I gain control of all my emotions, I can slip into a state of nothingness that is better than anything I've experienced these past few months. In that place, I can't think, I can't feel. I bet the only person in the world who could put it into words would be Jasper. I know it might sound scary, but, in truth, it is far from it. It's almost the escape I've been seeking.

Alice, I cannot live without him, without my family. I am completely useless, and I am falling apart. I have no desire to live. I've decided to end my life. You may already know this because I have made my decision, but if you are reading this email, which I somehow doubt, I am begging you to please remain where you are. If you came, it'd be out of guilt, and that I am sure of. I have no desire to be rescued. This is what I want, what I need. I can't play the part of "I'm fine" any longer. It hurts too much.

Alice, I am sitting in my bedroom, waiting to be sentenced to jail by Chief Swan. I survived my suicide attempt, and Charlie has sent me to my room until he decides what to do. Jacob is the one that told him. I wish you were here. I've never needed you more than I do in this moment.

Charlie told me to pack my bags; my mom is coming to get me.

I am not going to email you again once I leave Charlie's. You've never replied and I think this is becoming more like a "Dear Diary" kind of thing than something you're actually reading. I just wanted to say… I just needed to say… That I love you all, no matter what. The true extent of my pain is not something I ever want to share with anyone. This almost hurts more than when he left me in the woods. I have been deluding myself that this is a way of keeping in touch with my family, but my family's long gone. Charlie… Renee… I take care of them. Especially at this time, I need people to take care of me. That's selfish, but at least I can be sure that I will be the only one to know. My mom is here. Goodbye.

And, suddenly, it all made perfect sense.

I found myself going through it all over and over again, my breathing accelerating as I read with vampire speed. I did not realize I was sobbing until Jasper picked me up and began rocking me in his arms, mumbling comforting nothings into my ear.

Why hadn't I read this sooner? I could have done something! I could have helped her! Why had I agreed to leave? I hadn't agreed, but I had to because Dad said we did for Edward. He also told me countless times that I wasn't to go to Bella, that I wasn't to look into her future. Why did I listen to him anyway? I mean, Carlisle is certainly much older than I am, but I am unquestionably experienced enough to handle a depressed teenage girl that was in desperate need of me, a friend that's much more than a friend, a sister with occasional motherly tendencies. She just means so much to me. Relationships, when considering vampires and humans, can be very complex. Ugh, but why did I listen to Edward? Why did I listen to Carlisle? I was in too much of a rage to think rationally.

Wave after wave of calm flooded my more-than-willing system, but there was an undercurrent of anxiety that simply wouldn't disappear.

How can I make this right?


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter 12

Carlisle POV

"You should go speak to Alice, privately," Edward said to me.

"Why?" I asked, surprised. Everyone else looked surprised, also.

He looked torn. He didn't want to tell on Alice, I was sure. "Her thoughts…"

"Tell me, Edward, I won't be angry with her," I said, and I meant it. Alice, like the rest of us, was going through some hard times.

He hesitated, and then said, "She… is blaming you… and I, but mostly you… for making our family leave Bella."

I was slightly hurt, but not at all angry. I already took that blame on myself. "Does Jasper have her under control?"

"Yes, but not for long. Once she is released, she will… wreak havoc."

Esme gasped. One of her pet peeves was teenage vampires destroying her pristine house. It's happened quite a few times before, and each time, the child was punished with a well-deserved—

"Ouch!" yelled Emmett. He was rubbing his upper-arm with a sad expression on his face. Apparently, Rosalie had smacked him, most likely out of aggravation about something he said. This happened often.

I had been too absorbed in my own thoughts to hear what Emmett had said. With a questioning glance from me, he said, guiltily, "All I said was that Jasper's going to have to watch out from now on. I was going to finish that statement by saying that she's not going to want any emotional assistance." He glared at Rosalie. "I didn't mean anything—"

"Well, you usually do," said Rosalie shortly.

"Okay!" I said, loudly, before continuing. "I need to go speak to Alice." But, as I said this, Alice and Jasper descended, this time much differently in their demeanor than the last time. Jasper's arms were wrapped around Alice's torso, and Alice was looking at the ground, not making eye contact with anyone.

"Alice, would you like to speak with me? Outside, perhaps?"

She made a little noise of consent and Jasper released her, concernedly. I followed her out the door and into the woods.

She stood still and quietly, afraid to begin.

"Alice, I want you to vent. You can't keep how you feel pent up; it's not good for you. I'm here, and I don't mind."

She looked at me for a moment before saying, "You made me leave Bella."

"I made everyone leave, not just you."

"You forced me to abandon my best friend! My sister!" Her voice was getting louder and if she could have cried, I'm sure she would have.

"On Edward's orders, Alice."

"Is he in charge now?"

"Bella is Edward's mate. Edward's. Not mine. Not yours."

"She needed me, Carlisle. She needed me then, and she certainly needs me now!"

"Then go to her, Alice. But only after you're finished. I need you to release this energy now, rather than later."

"You…" Her voice was getting softer again. "You did this. Her condition… It's your fault."

I tried to remain composed, but that one caused me immense pain. There was no denying it. The truth was so clear.

She watched as pain flashed across my face, and her expression softened. "You know it, too."

"I have known it since the day we retrieved her. One of the biggest mistakes of my life was making us leave."

"We shouldn't have left."

"I know."

"She needs us. She needs Emmett and Rosalie. She needs Esme. She needs Edward. She needs me. She needs you."

"I'm trying so hard, Alice—" My voice suddenly caught. I was just so overwhelmed. "I want her to come to me for support… I want her to see me as her… As her…"

"As her father," Alice finished. "And she will. I've seen it."

I looked at her hopefully, and she continued, "She will heal, Dad. But she needs our help—she needs your help."

We returned to the house, each of our minds cleared of a few stresses.

I suddenly had a whole new outlook on life. I could make this better.

Bella POV

I lay on Carlisle and Esme's bed, alone, for what felt like hours.

I've decided that I don't like being alone anymore, not after Alice and I's conversation. Bad thoughts went through my mind. My insecurities wouldn't disappear. Part of me wanted to return to the darkness, but the other part of me, the much smaller part of me, wanted to stay awake, to stay with my family.

They don't want you here. They left you. They only came back out of guilt. They feel bad; they think it's their fault that you're in this condition. You are such a burden.

But they do want me here. They said—

They lied. Isn't it obvious? They couldn't say they didn't want you here, because that wouldn't be "making it right".

They miss me.

Look at you. You're not. Worth. It.

They love me.

They don't.

The conflict was making me sick to my stomach. I ran to Carlisle and Esme's bathroom threw up everything that I had eaten and more. Since I had only eaten a bowl of applesauce, this was not a fun experience. Almost immediately, I sensed the presence of the family in the room with me. I released my grip on the toilet and tried to wave them away with one hand, but I was so weak that I fell over in the attempt. I blushed furiously as hands reached to pick me up, and I pushed myself away until I reached a wall.

They ignored my attempts and one of them picked me up anyway. I struggled weakly in their arms, but, naturally, they didn't release me. I didn't look to see who it was, but as we passed a mirror I saw it was Jasper. This was the first time I had seen myself completely in months. When Edward left, I had decided to never look in the mirror again.

My hair was very short. My skin was pasty and blotchy. I had lost nearly half of my weight, and my clothes hung loosely about my sickly form.

I only saw that image for a moment as Jasper was carrying me out of the bathroom, and it was too much. I clung to Jasper's shirt and buried my face in it and cried tearless sobs. My body refused to release tears because of my dehydration.

There was no way they could accept me looking like this, behaving like this. And yet… they were.

It's because they feel guilty, the bigger, insecure part of me said.

Even as he placed me on the bed and I released my grip of his shirt, I kept my eyes closed. I couldn't face them. My thoughts wouldn't allow it.

"Bella, open your eyes," whispered Edward's voice.

I did as I was asked, and saw that we were alone.

After a moment of just looking in each other's eyes, he asked, "Do you want to talk about it?"

My lip trembled and I shook my head weakly.

"Please, Bella. I need to know what the matter is so I can help you."

I closed my eyes before answering, in a whisper, "I was lonely. And, as much as I want to believe it… part of me can't."

He seemed to understand me as nobody else could, just like always. "You will, in time." I opened my eyes to see a sad smile on his face. "Do you think you're up to eating again?"

I shook my head.

"Bella, you have to eat soon, or you know what will happen. Carlisle never goes back on his word."

I gulped. I guess I should eat, but an immovable part of me demanded that I be deprived of food.

"Trust me." Those words made my decision. I reached out my arms and he picked me up in a swift, gentle movement. Within seconds we were in the kitchen, where Esme was already preparing food. He kissed me on the cheek and left me alone with her.

She smiled at me and sat in front of me with a bowl of chicken noodle soup. She hesitantly pushed the bowl and spoon towards me. I felt so weak and unmotivated; I didn't want to do it myself. Looking down at the floor and blushing furiously, I asked softly, "Can you… please… do it again?" I looked up to see her reaction. She was beaming.

"Of course, sweetie," she said with a smile that seemed to light up the whole room.

I relished in the feeling once again of being taken care of. This was one of the moments that reminded me that I actually liked letting go, or "giving up" as the unrelenting part of me would say. It happens.

As I was eating, Esme asked me, gently, "Are you doing any better, honey? After you spoke to Alice?"

"Yes. I mean—" I took a deep breath. "My behavior. I'm having trouble keeping my emotions in check. If I can't control something… It's not her fault. It's not any of your fault. It's mine. I'm starting to understand that you're not doing this out of guilt, and that it's okay to let go and be taken care of. It's tough." My voice was slightly rough and incredibly weak. I was only starting to notice these things as I awoke from my deep, deep depression.

If I scared Esme or concerned her further, she was doing a very good job at hiding it. I was sure she knew I didn't want pity.

"It only makes sense," she said reasonably. "I know you're not used to feeling this way, and it probably scares you. But we're here, and we're going to help you. You're going to need to let your guard down further so that we can take care of you."

She saw the panic cross my face and placed her hand on my cheek. "It's going to be okay."

I had heard that one too many times. It was just so hard to believe. These last few months had been the worst of my life, and I couldn't imagine it getting any worse.

I looked into Esme's eyes. She was willing me to believe what she was saying.

I thought about Carlisle. About Alice, Jasper, Emmett, and Rosalie. About Edward. They were each exhibiting behavior similar to Esme's. What if they weren't acting out of guilt? If that was true… My heart rose and a smile spread across my face. If that was true, then I would believe it, naturally. And it looked as if it was true.

I suddenly realized that since the moment I was rescued from the asylum, I was hoping with all of my being that I could believe it. Now that I could, my outlook on life brightened exceptionally.

Esme saw the resolve on my face and embraced me. "Oh, Bella. I told you it was true. I love you so much, my daughter."

My heart felt like it was expanding when I heard the word "daughter". This made me think of something I had considered for a while now. "Esme?" I asked, hesitantly.

"Yes, dear?"

"Can I call you… Mom?"

She pulled back and looked into my eyes. "Of course you can, sweetie. I want to be your mom, if you'd let me."

My eyes widened in surprise. I wanted this more than anything, so I replied, without hesitation, "I would love that."

She looked like I had made her dreams come true. I suppose, in a way, I had.

Carlisle appeared in the room. He approached Esme and I and looked at the nearly finished bowl of soup. "You're eating, Bella?" he asked in his doctor-like voice.

"Y-yes!" I tried to say simply while hiding the emotion in my voice from the moment between Esme and I.

He glanced between Esme and I, smiling. "Did anything exciting happen?" He asked, noting the new glow in both of our faces.

Esme took his hand. "I'm going to be her mom." The context sounded strange, but it wasn't awkward at all.

He smiled widely. "That's great!"

I suddenly felt bad and looked down. I knew I should ask him now to be my dad, but, as much as I wanted to, I was afraid.

He lifted my chin so I was looking at him. "Bella, would you like me to be your dad?"

I nodded.

He wordlessly hugged me, and I could feel all of the love and acceptance he felt for me. Esme joined in the embrace.

I was so happy that it was too much for my inexperienced system. I was savoring the feeling before I blacked out.


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter 13

Jasper POV

I was sitting on my bed with Alice, whispering in her ear what Bella was feeling in the other room. We were both ecstatic. Alice had known it was coming before anyone else had, but she had kept it to herself. She wanted them to be surprised. Bella was getting happier and happier as the minutes went by. I could sense that she finally was beginning to realize that we all really did love her and care about her. Her joy was inflated, as was Esme's, and, later, Carlisle's, when she asked if they would be her parents.

Alice, upon hearing their conversation, began bouncing up and down with joy. "This is just what she needs! Real parents, the first pieces of being part of our family!"

Alice's joy, on top of Bella's, Carlisle and Esme's, as well as Rosalie and Emmett's (who were listening, like us, in another room), was so much for me that I was nearly giddy. I couldn't stop smiling. But even my happiness couldn't be compared to Edward's. He was radiating joy and pride that could only be for his parents.

But, suddenly, it stopped.

It was like a chain effect; suddenly, Bella's joy disappeared to nothing, and Carlisle and Esme's joy vanished, as did Edward's when he read their thoughts. Rosalie and Emmett's joy disappeared upon hearing Esme's gasp of shock, and Alice's joy left at the look of mute horror on my face. She was off the bed in an instant, running to the kitchen with me at her heels. By the time we got there, the entire family was as well, but Carlisle had already accessed the situation.

"It's alright," he said, calmly. Bella was lying limp in his arms. "She just lost consciousness… again." Edward, like Carlisle, was relaxed. He must have seen Carlisle's reasoning, but we hadn't.

Alice was near the point of hyperventilation. "What happened?" I tried to calm her, but she pushed me away. "Stop it!" she said. I realized that she didn't want to be made to feel differently when it came to the subject of Bella ever again.

Carlisle maintained his serenity as he said, addressing everyone, "Bella has felt nothing but overwhelming hopelessness and misery for these past few months. It has left her in a certain… condition. Physically and emotionally. She is, clearly, malnourished and sleep-deprived. We have just reappeared in her life when she was convinced that this would never happen. Her actions have led us to the fact that she is… suicidal. We will need additional evidence before we confirm that she has changed that status.

"Furthermore, I have proof that her efforts to stop us have been in vain. Upon observance of Bella these past few days, I have come to the conclusion that she is torn. The dominant part of her is trained to either protect or punish herself when she thinks of us. She is so convinced that she doesn't deserve happiness. The smaller part of her, the part that continues to be overruled by this more dominant part, is desperate to be loved and to be cared for. Is this correct, Jasper?"

I had been listening intently, unconsciously agreeing with everything he was saying. Surprised at being addressed, I answered quickly, "Yes!" At their questioning looks at my immediate answer, I elaborated, "I was listening closely to what you were saying, Dad, and your observations are equivalent to mine." His eyes brightened and a small smile appeared on his face when I said "Dad". It was only the second or third time I had ever said it; I was the newest member of the family, apart from Bella, and it was still a big deal for me to put myself out there and address Carlisle and Esme as my parental figures.

"Excellent," he said, and by his emotions only I could hear the double meaning in his words. He glanced downwards at Bella. She looked more at peace than she had throughout her entire visit. As he gazed at her with a crease in his brow, he said softly, "I think we should lay her down."

Alice stepped forward. "Can we keep her down here? On the couch? Please, Dad?"

A small smile appeared on his face. "I suppose…" We followed him as he walked into the living room and placed Bella gently on the couch.

We would watch over her.

Bella POV

While I was unconscious, I had strange, powerful dreams. Dreams that contradicted everything that I was told, everything that I wanted so desperately to be true.

In my dreams, I was in the same situation I was in now. But it was different. I was laying on Carlisle and Esme's bed, alone. In the distance, I heard the voices of my family. They were speaking in loud voices about how insignificant and worthless I was. That they had only taken me in out of guilt. They only acted as if they wanted me in their family because they felt bad for me. They had left on purpose… But their purpose didn't work…

They must've thought I was asleep. Or maybe they wanted me to hear. I cowered at the venom in their voices. I needed to escape, I needed to—

I awoke, but I kept my eyes closed. I immediately felt guilty for having these dreams. All they were were my deepest fears condensed and concentrated into the smallest form possible. I knew the meaning of the dream was unimportant now, since, in reality, they all continually insisted upon it's falsehood, but that wasn't the worst part of it. The worst part was the affect the dream had on me.

The dream made me come to a realization that was the same one as many times before, but was different in its intensity.

I had the realization that none of this was their fault.

It was all mine.

Of course, I had had this realization before. This was the reason behind my earlier behavior. But, previously, there was always a small glimmer of hope, convincing me that there was a small possibility that this wasn't my fault, that they would take the responsibility for my predicament and take control, keep me safe, as they always had. As only they can.

But, somehow, my dream had finally convinced me otherwise.

I don't know why this dream was so much more intense than the others. I don't know why it has finalized my view on the situation. All I knew is that I needed to get out of there. Now.

I knew now that they were telling the truth. But I wasn't looking for pity. I didn't deserve it.

I didn't deserve them.

Why had I taken such advantage of them? Did I really confide in Alice and give in to Jasper's influence? Did I actually… ask Carlisle and Esme what I think I did? I had no right. No right at all.

I had to contain my emotions and I had to make quick decisions. Now wasn't the time to return to the void of no thoughts and no feelings, because I needed to think fast. All I could do was become numb as I had for Charlie until I got the perfect opportunity.

I opened my eyes and stared at the ceiling. I saw in my peripheral vision that they were all present. I knew what I had to do; I just didn't decide on how I was going to pull it off yet.

"Bella?" I heard Jasper ask uncertainly. Naturally, he would be the only one to know that something was off.

I stood up too fast and a head rush caused me to land on the floor. Oh no, I thought. How am I going to accomplish this when I'm so… weak?

Hands picked me up and carried me back to the bed almost immediately. I instinctually recognized the loving arms of Edward. I didn't permit myself to breathe in his scent; if I had, it would've been too hard to do what I knew had to be done.

Once back on the bed, I tried to slowly sit up. When I tried to stand up, Carlisle was suddenly at my side. "No, Bella. You need to rest."

I blushed with anger and embarrassment. "Carlisle. I'm not a child! I can take care of myself."

He looked at me with disappointment shining in his eyes. He must have thought that this was over after last night. My numbness faltered and I looked down guiltily. I felt bad that I had betrayed his hope that I was going to cooperate; I also felt bad that he thought I'd be his daughter from now on. A small part of me rose hopefully at the thought. I'd do anything, anything at all, to—but no. I couldn't. A tear fell down my face. I wished I hadn't had that dream. But it was fate.

Carlisle put his hand under my chin pulled my face up to meet my eyes. "Why are you crying?" he asked.

His concern made me cry freely. "I keep disappointing you," I said softly. "I keep disappointing everybody. I'm a walking, talking disappointment."

He shook his head with a smile. "You've never disappointed me. Your behavior is nothing but the result of others' choices."

He was wrong, and nothing anybody could say could convince me otherwise. I needed to follow through with my plan if I wanted to escape.

I closed my eyes so I couldn't see the reaction of the family to the words I was about to speak.

"May I use the phone?"

There was a pause.

"Why?" Carlisle asked slowly.

"To call my dad."

"Bella, he doesn't want you anymore," Alice said quietly.

My throat tightened with hurt. "Yes he does. I—I wanted to leave," I rasped. I was never a good liar.

There was silence before Esme said, "Bella, please don't call him. We don't want you to be hurt further."

I stifled back the tears that I knew would be released if I didn't act fast. "I m-miss him. I'd like to call him." Both were lies.

I lifted my eyes to glance quickly at Jasper, the family's personal lie-detector. He held my gaze and I knew he knew that not only was I lying, but that I had a plan forming. I shifted my head slightly to the side and back, trying to convey to him how much I needed to do this. They couldn't interfere.

His brows furrowed, and he said, while continuing to hold my gaze, "Bella, may I speak to you? Privately?" I knew it wasn't a question. It was almost a demand.

I stood up shakily, and Jasper was next to me in a flash, supporting me as we walked out the door. Once we were on the porch, he scooped me up and ran to the forest. "You'd have trouble walking on the rough terrain," he said.

He sat on the ground and held me on his lap. It wasn't awkward; it was normal for the family to treat me like this. I was, in truth, a weak human.

That thought brought on an onslaught of pain. His eyes widened in concern, and I tried to gain control of myself again before he questioned me. It was so much that the quickest thing I could do was slip into the numbness again, which was a good decision anyway because it would make it easier to fib without breaking down crying.

I hadn't thoroughly thought about Jasper's ability, though.

"What was that?" he asked, curiously.

"What was what?" I asked as if I didn't know.

"What were you thinking that made you feel that way just now?"

I couldn't tell him, because I didn't want him to know and because I didn't want to think about it again.

After a brief pause, I tried to change the subject. "What do you want to talk to me about, Jasper?" I knew what the answer was, and I realized that I couldn't tell him the truth about that either.

He sent me an assault of calm. I couldn't think straight.

"First… I want you to answer my question."

"What question?" I asked drowsily.

"What were you thinking that made you feel that way just now, as we were sitting down? You can tell me."

"I was thinking about… Um… I was thinking about how all I'll ever be is a weak human."

His eyes widened anxiously. "And why did you think that?"

"Because… You had to carry me and you all… You all always have done stuff like that."

He shook his head with exasperation. "You're not a weak human."

"Stop that," I slurred.

He looked surprised. "Stop what?"

"Stop lying to make me feel better."

He took a deep, unnecessary breath. "Okay. Bella, please explain to me… What's going on?" He lightened up on the heavy dose of calm.

"What do you mean?" I asked, avoiding his eyes.

"You know what I mean."

Oh, no! I thought. How can I avoid this? I can't think up a lie because he'll know it's a lie and get me to talk again with his mojo! I'm so pathetic; I will definitely spill my guts if he does do that.

All I could do was slip into the numbness. I tried, but Jasper stopped me. He shot me another heavy dose of calm, and I forgot about what I was doing.

He looked at my drooping eyes and shook his head exasperatedly with his mouth slightly open. He was speechless. When he could finally speak again, he said, "That scares me so much when you do that. It needs to stop. Now."

"I am… just… trying to… to…" I took a long, slow breath. "Hide my emotions…"

"I know you are," he said softly. "Will you answer my question now?"

I thought for a second. What did he ask me again?

"Bella." He brought my face upward so I could look at him, just like Carlisle had. "What's going on?" When I didn't answer quickly enough, he said, softer, "What are you hiding?"

"I wanna call Charlie."

"Why do you want to call Charlie?" he asked, patiently.

"Because… I wanna… call 'im and ask 'im to… to… come an' get me."

His mouth fell open but he quickly checked himself and closed it to hide his surprise.

"Do you want to go there?"

"No."

"Then why…"

"It's compli… compli…" I couldn't get the word out.

"Complicated." He finished for me with a frown. "Tell me. We have time."

And so I did, without much thought. I told him my dream and confided about the way it made me feel, about what I knew was true. He listened without interruption, although his eyes widened and his frown deepened as I went on.

He turned his eyes away from me and said to himself, "It's worse than I thought. I'll have to keep her under my wing for a while."

"Mmmm?" I asked dreamily.

"Let's take you back to the house." He scooped me up and began to walk slowly to the house.

"Gotta call Charlie."

"I don't think that's necessary, Bella. Do you?"

"Uh-huh."

"Bella, you aren't going to call Charlie."

My panic began to fight his artificial calm. "I've gotta… get out of here… I want… need…" He was trying to make me fall asleep. "No! You can't… do… this…" I still couldn't think clearly through the calm that was bombarding my system. All I knew is that I didn't want this.

I fought and fought, but to no prevail.

He won again.

And I slept.


	14. Chapter 14

Chapter 14

Esme POV

I listened with everybody else as Edward described what was going on between Bella and Jasper outside. I was a little concerned when Jasper used his influence on her so powerfully, but I decided it was okay when I realized that it would be the only way to make her speak truthfully. I watched as Carlisle's eyes darkened when Edward quoted Bella as she told of her dream and the decisions it led her to make.

"Bring her back now, Jasper," Carlisle said loudly when she'd finished.

"He said that it's worse than he'd thought, and that he'll have to keep her under his wing for a while," said Edward with a grimace.

"I'd have to agree with him, Edward," said Carlisle.

Jasper entered the house seconds later with an unconscious Bella in his arms. "I'm keeping her under until we decide what needs to be done. She was fighting me with a fury such as I've never seen, under my control at least."

"You've done well," said Carlisle with a smile. "Now the question is what to do next?"

"Maybe we should put her in Edward's room for a while, so she can rest," said Alice softly. "And then we can talk about what's to be done next."

"I think that's a good idea," I said. Edward's room seemed to be the most peaceful environment that we had to offer Bella.

"You'll need to lock her in," said Rosalie unkindly. "Or else she'll try to escape again."

My lips tightened into a hard line. The last thing I wanted was for my daughter to feel as if she was back in that awful place.

I was about to argue when Carlisle said, "Sadly, I agree. We need time to talk without any… distractions. Jasper?" If my husband thought it was best, then I'd have to agree with him.

Without further ado, Jasper ran smoothly up to Edward's room, and I heard the sounds of him laying her on the bed and closing the door, locking it with a key.

"Do you still have influence over her?" Carlisle asked when Jasper returned downstairs.

"I do, but I can remove it anytime you wish."

"I'd like you to remove it now; you need to focus when we have our discussion and Bella needs time to think."

We heard the sounds of Bella stirring upstairs.

"Shall we?" asked Carlisle with an air of professionalism. We nodded and followed him into the dining room.

Bella POV

As I returned to consciousness, I automatically wrapped my arms around my torso, a habit that I had established during the months of their absence. I was trying to hold myself together. My efforts were in vain; holding myself together I could do, maybe, but staying together was an impossibility.

Over the course of these months, I have also developed a controllable, emotionless state-of-mind that has protected me from the ability to feel. After they left, I realized that every aspect of my insignificant life reminded me of them. My body instinctually went into defense-mode. It wasn't possible to live through this much pain, but, somehow, my body found a way. The result was this numbness. It shielded me from almost everything I needed it to; it made it possible to live.

But it wasn't living. I was making everybody unhappy and my nightmares were getting progressively worse. I missed them so much…

And so… I jumped off a cliff.

It didn't work and… here I am now.

Never had I needed my numbness this much before. But, every time I try to use it, they take it away.

My best defense, gone.

The loss made me feel vulnerable and exposed like I never had before.

With a deep breath, I cracked an eye open. Nobody was there. I relaxed and opened both of my eyes. I was in Edward's room. And the door was… closed?

I stood up and walked over to it. It was locked.

I looked around the room. The essence of Edward was relaxing, but I couldn't help but compare the feeling I had here to the feeling I had in the asylum.

I couldn't panic now. I needed to plan. There had to be a way out.

I knew one thing for sure. I couldn't escape on my own. I was too weak. They would get me back in seconds.

But what other way was there?

Of course, there was always Plan A. I was going to call Charlie and ask him to come and get me. I know that he doesn't want anything to do with me, but if I played the recovered daughter part, it might be my only chance. There was nothing Carlisle or any of them could do to prevent my dad from taking me home if I acted like I wanted to.

It would be horrible though. He'd disowned me. His words were burned into my mind…

I never want to see you again. You've inflicted too much pain on me and instead of growing up and moving on you've decided to persist and stay in the same place you were when Edward left months ago. Goodbye.

He didn't want to see me again; I had caused him pain. But I deserved to be in his wrath, if only briefly. I didn't want to cause him any more pain, and so, after he helped me escape, I would escape him. That will be much easier than it would ever be to escape the Cullens alone.

Plan B… I could call Jacob. But he hated me too, and I could never escape him and his werewolf family.

The only choice was Plan A. I just needed to get to a phone…

I glanced at the lock. There was a keyhole on this side, too.

I looked around the room. I spotted Edward's desk. I tiptoed over to it and began to quietly open the drawers. There was what I was looking for. Paperclips.

I had never had to use this method before, nor any method for that matter. I've never had the need to break out of or into a room. But it shouldn't be that difficult.

I crept back over to the door and molded my paperclip into a shape that would fit into the lock. I spun it around a couple of times and I heard a quiet click.

I waited for a minute to see if any of them had heard, and, when they didn't appear, I exhaled a breath that I hadn't known I was holding. I opened the door and, with another wave of relief, it didn't squeak. I suppose when you have all of the time in the world you can make sure you don't have squeaky doors.

I crept into Carlisle's office, in which I was sure was a telephone from my past experiences there. There, on his desk, was my lifesaver.

I've never walked as slowly and quietly as I did when I walked to that telephone. When I reached it, I picked it up and dialed the number I knew by heart.

"Hello?" asked a husky voice on the other line. I looked at the time; it was 6:30 AM. I must've woken him up.

"Dad? It's me, Bella," I whispered.

"Bella!" he sounded shocked.

"Yeah. I'm at the Cullens'."

"How'd you get there?"

"They released me. The place said I've 'fully recovered'. Only last night. Dr. Cullen happened to be visiting another doctor there… And he said he'd take me home because it was so late and I could go home in the morning."

"Oh." It was all he said. I couldn't tell if he was angry or not.

"So… Can you please come get me? I don't want to be here."

He seemed to snap out of it. "So, they're back?"

"Yeah. And I really don't… want to be here. I want to go home." There was a pause. "If it's still my home."

"It is if you're all better," he said seriously. "No more nightmares… Right?"

"Yeah."

"Then when would you like me to come over?"

"Now! Please."

"I'll be right over."

He hung up and I softly put the phone on back on its base.

Breathing a huge sigh of relief, I spun around to journey back to Edward's room and saw the sight I was praying not to see. Carlisle, standing in the doorway.

My hand flew up to my mouth with fright. I couldn't do anything without these people knowing what I was up to. He began to approach me, and I backed up to the wall, just like I had not too long ago. When I had my back against it and sliding down it with my efforts to escape, he stopped.

"Bella, I will not allow this."

"You h-have to," I said, avoiding his eyes.

"No, I don't. I'm your guardian and—"

"I'm an adult. I can make my own decisions and I'm deciding to—"

"No. I'm sorry, Bella, that I have to explain this to you again, but it seems as if you're under a misconception. The… institution named Esme and me your guardians. You don't have a choice in the matter. So, like it or not…" He walked over and picked me up, carefully throwing me over his shoulder. "You're staying here. Both you and I know that you don't want to go back there, and that you're only going there because you feel guilty for making us feel guilty, which doesn't make much sense, but if that's how your mind works…" He shook his head sadly as he walked out of the room.

I squirmed and kicked and punched and screamed, all the while trying to get out of Carlisle's arms.

"I'm your father, Bella. That's who I want to be, and I know you want that too. So I wish you'd stop fighting me every time I try to help you."

I knew he was right, but I needed to do this, both for them and for me. My fight weakened slightly and I cried. I cried because I wanted more than anything that I've ever wanted in my life to just say "okay" and do whatever he asked, but I couldn't. I was beginning to lose sight of the purpose of all this fighting with my exhaustion, but I knew in my heart that this is what I had to do.

Carlisle carried me down to the living room, where the whole family was situated now. I blushed furiously at being carried this way and behaving this way in front of everyone, but I couldn't stop. I began to hyperventilate; for everything to fall in place, I needed to go home with Charlie.

Carlisle set me down and nodded to Emmett, who, in turn, held my arms behind my back. Edward knelt down in front of me and took my face in his hands. "Bella, calm down. It's going to be alright. We'll fix this, together." My breathing slowed as I looked into his deep topaz eyes. After a few minutes of silence, I was close to giving up, this time for good. I knew in my heart that this was what I wanted, but what I wanted and what needed to be done were two different things.

That was when Charlie's cruiser pulled in.

Emmett's hands remained on my wrists and Edward's on my face. Alice, Rosalie, Jasper, and Esme surrounded us, hiding me from view. Carlisle went to the front door to greet Charlie.

A few seconds went by before we heard Carlisle open the door. "Hello, Charlie," he said politely.

"Dr. Cullen." There was a pause. "Where's Bella?"

I stared into Edward's eyes with fear, and he used his thumbs to rub comforting circles on my cheeks.

"I don't know," said Carlisle concernedly. "Is she missing?"

"No," he said, his voice rising with anger. "She called and asked me to pick her up here."

"I don't know what that could mean, Charlie, but our family would be more than happy to assist you in the search."

"Charlie!" I rasped. It was my only chance. One of Emmett's hands covered my mouth while the other continued to hold both of my wrists.

"No, no, no," Edward whispered, calming me. "None of that."

"What was that?!" asked Charlie.

"Nothing that concerns you."

"Was that Bella?" There was a pause. "It is. Let me in."

There were footsteps and as Emmett and Edward removed their hands from my body and Esme, Alice, Jasper, and Rosalie moved out of the way, Charlie came into view.

There was a small intake of breath as he looked at my weak form. I remembered that I needed to act "recovered", and I tried to smile, but it came out more like a grimace. "Hi Da—Charlie." I couldn't say "Dad" because he was no longer my father. In my heart, Carlisle was.

"Wow, Bells, you look…" He was speechless. I'm sure he was running through his head whether or not I was well again. Instead of finishing that statement, he just said, "You ready to go?"

"Y-yeah." I heard a small amount of the grief and fear that I was holding in seep into my voice. I was sure of the future that awaited me: Once Charlie was in the car, his concerned-and-loving-father demeanor would fade away, and he would become angry and disgusted once more; late tonight I planned on sneaking out of the house and into the forest, and I would find out what happens to me then. I somehow knew how it was all going to end, but I couldn't bear to think of it now.

"Then let's get going," he said. I felt panic begin to bubble to the surface. I had known all along what was going to happen if I followed through with this plan, and I had also known how much I wanted it to not happen. I just thought I'd be strong enough to not show any signs.

The larger part of me that wanted to escape for the sake of everyone, the part that refused to believe, was ready to go. But the smaller, defenseless part of me was scared to go and wanted to stay, be a part of this family, and be loved and cared for.

I tried taking a step forward, but my legs wouldn't move.

I felt like I was being forced to go somewhere I didn't want to go.

Like I was being kidnapped.

I was being kidnapped; the stronger part of me was kidnapping the weaker part of me.

I was kidnapping myself…

The inner struggle was making me hyperventilate again, and I saw stars. Not now! I thought.

I quickly gained control of myself and saw the rage that was hiding behind Charlie's calm appearance. I wasn't better, and he knew it now. "I said, let's get going, Bella, I don't have all day."

I took a deep breath and was the first person out the door. I felt a cold hand on my shoulder. "Please don't go." It was Edward.

I felt tears fall down my cheeks and my throat tightened so I couldn't speak. I continued to walk to the car. I opened the passenger door and practically fell inside. Charlie got in soon after and as we began the journey down their driveway, I watched as the Cullen house faded away in the rear-view mirrors.


	15. Chapter 15

Chapter 15

**Bella POV**

By leaving, I was going to rid them of the guilt that had caused them to come back into my life. I wasn't going to supply additional worry to their shoulders any longer. No longer would I hurt them… No longer would I hurt myself, believing that they actually wanted me. Leaving was a good thing. Leaving was a good thing. This was my mantra; I continued to repeat it to myself in my thoughts as we drove down the road, Charlie silent in the driver's seat.

I stole a glance at him; I could almost see the hatred that was radiating off of him. He's had lots of time to think, that I knew. Maybe he's convinced himself of worse things during this time…

He pulled into the driveway. I opened the door and tried to use the handles above my head to lift myself out, but before I was halfway through the doorway, my arm was yanked out of the car…

**Carlisle POV**

"Why did you allow her to—"

"Dad, I know what he was feeling and it wasn't—"

"This won't end well for—"

"I've seen her future and we have to go, now—"

"He hates her, Dad, I've read his—"

"I'll kill him—"

"Quiet!" I was so overwhelmed. Everyone was talking at once. "One at a time."

"She didn't want to go," said Jasper. "She was scared. She wanted to stay but she felt… she couldn't. And he… his calm façade was only that, an act. He was so angry…"

"Charlie was thinking vile thoughts," Edward said, looking at the floor. "He knew right away that she had lied, that she hasn't recovered. She looks worse than the last time he'd seen her."

If what they were saying was true, than the Charlie I'd known had changed. Bella had been the best part of his life. He must have truly convinced himself that Bella's actions were unforgivable.

Edward's face was in his hands. "Alice, just tell him."

I looked at Alice. Her expression was tragic. She opened her mouth, but she couldn't seem to find her voice.

**Bella POV**

Growing up, I always felt out of step. I didn't have many friends, and the friends I did have were still never on the same page as I was. I always had excellent grades in school. I always tried to help others, and when my mom found a man that she wanted to be with, I did the best I could to make her happy. I moved to Forks.

In Forks, I took care of my dad. I continued to get good grades and I made new friends. I met Edward, and I fell in love. I met Edward's family and I saw everything I had ever wanted in life. They saw something they wanted in me… I couldn't believe my luck. I was never as happy as I was during those months. I was so sure that it was going to last forever… But I wasn't enough.

And so I didn't cry. I was getting what I deserved.

This physical pain is nothing at all compared to my emotional pain, anyhow.

But when he went to the bathroom, I took my chance. I was out the door in seconds and was running as best as I could into the forest.

I slowed my pace as I entered the woods. I instinctively went off the path. It would be harder for him, or anyone, to find me.

I spotted a sturdy-looking stick on the ground. I picked it up and used it as a walking stick. It helped me go faster.

I was exhausted, weak, and injured. I thought back to what had just happened with a shudder…

_"__When I'm done with you, you're going right back to that place in Florida. You just wait until I tell your mother. You wait until I tell her that you haven't improved at all. You probably broke out."_

What was he going to do when he got out of the bathroom and realized I wasn't there?

The thought made me walk faster. I couldn't return to the asylum… I didn't want to see Charlie again… I just wanted to get lost… To lose my sense of direction forever… And once I found the right place, I would hide in my darkness. Not to think, not to feel, ever again. I knew then that I had finally lost myself.

I walked for some time, lost in my thoughts. I wished so desperately that I hadn't left the Cullens'…

I yelled at myself internally for having such thoughts.

The fight between my desperation to give up and my resoluteness to keep going finally made its mark. I was hit with a powerful wave of nausea and I fell to my knees, throwing up much more than is ever acceptable.

When I was done, I held to the nearest tree branch for support and tried to pull myself up, but I didn't have enough strength.

I tried to push myself as far as possible from the spot that I had vomited, and made it to the next tree before my strength diminished completely.

I shivered from the cold. I was still only wearing the outfit Esme had dressed me in.

Esme… I would never see her again.

_It's now or never,_ I thought. I had no more tears to spill. Gaining control of my emotions, I tucked them away, one at a time, into my heart. I felt the numbness seeping through my body. I closed my eyes, and when I opened them again, I saw nothing.

I couldn't think.

I couldn't feel.

And I was alone.

Forever.

**Carlisle POV**

We hadn't even bothered using vehicles. Alice had said that she was lost in the woods, and we would get to her much faster by just running from our house.

We started from Charlie's house, and it was clear immediately that she had not taken the path. It wasn't long before we caught Bella's scent. We followed it. She couldn't have gone too far…

I heard Esme gasp, and then I saw it. A puddle of vomit and, not too far away, Bella. She looked _terrible_.

I immediately went into doctor mode. I was very worried about the vomit; the poor girl had nothing to give up. It was clear that it was mostly stomach acid. I moved on to Bella herself. There were bruises forming all about her frail form. Her face was blotchy and tear stained. Her nose was bleeding. Her clothes were torn. It was a horrible sight.

At least she was breathing.

I checked her vitals. "She's alive… but barely," I informed the others. "We need to take her back to the house. Now."

Jasper was the only one who didn't move.

"What is it, Jasper?" I asked, standing up immediately.

"She's not sleeping," he said slowly. "And she's not unconscious. She's completely in that darkness again."

This was a concern, but we would have to deal with it at home.

I nodded at Jasper and Edward picked her up in his arms.

**Bella POV**

I fought the force that was trying to pull me out of the darkness. I wanted to stay here forever. Here, I don't even know my own name. It was peaceful.

It didn't take long to be revived. I was so weak and tired that my body wasn't putting up much of a fight. I had used my remaining energy to close my mind and escape into the emptiness that I was being relentlessly pulled from now.

I kept my eyes closed. I didn't know where I was or who I was with, and I wasn't interested in finding out. I knew by my position and the feel around me that I was in somebody's arms.

"What's wrong?" asked a soft voice from farther away. I recognized it as Esme's, and I was immediately wracked with an excruciating sadness. I missed her so much; she was the mom I could never have.

"She doesn't want to be awakened right now, I believe," replied a softer voice from above me. It was Jasper's; that's who was holding me and that's who brought me out of the darkness. After feeling my last powerful emotion, he said, "I think you should hold her now, Mom."

"Why?" she asked as my body was being transferred into another pair of arms.

"She misses you."

I was hit with Esme's potent scent and it brought on a torrent of tearless sobs. I buried my face into her shirt. She rubbed calming circles on my back.

I didn't know what to say, if there was anything to say. One part of me wanted to beg for forgiveness and request to be a part of this family forever. The other part of me, like always, knew that they in fact _didn't_ want me here, and my frequent emotional breakdowns were only making them feel guiltier.

But I couldn't stop. I was too weak to control my emotions.

"That's right, let it all out," Esme was saying.

"I'm s-so s-s-sorry," I found myself saying.

And I was.


	16. Chapter 16

Chapter 16

**Edward POV**

I watched as Bella broke down in Esme's arms. Like always, her pain was my pain, and I struggled to contain my emotions.

The complexity of her thinking was a mystery to me; although we knew each other so well, I always had trouble deciphering the workings of her mind. I had endless questions and no answers. The biggest question I had was: Why was Bella so determined not to accept us as her family when she seemed to want it so much? Surely she understood by now that the only reason I left was _because_ I loved her, and the family was only following _my_ orders. She is so depressed that she must have lost the ability to think rationally.

But then I heard Jasper's thoughts, and it seemed to answer my question for me.

_There's something missing,_ he was thinking. _She's not letting it all out, she's keeping something in, but what? Maybe she wants to call her "Mom"… but she feels she can't… because she doesn't deserve it. How many times during her stay has she used the words 'I don't deserve it', after all?_

There was the answer. She felt as if she didn't deserve us. I was sure this was it.

Carlisle was evaluating Bella in his thoughts. _A couple bruises, manageable with ice. A broken nose, fractured ribs… Those would be manageable, as well. It will be the psychological issues that will take time._

Luckily, _that_ we have plenty of.

**Carlisle POV**

"Dear," I whispered to Esme at a volume that couldn't be heard by human ears. "I need to examine Bella now. Please bring her to my study." I glanced around the room at the others.

"We'll stay here," Alice said mildly. "There are some things we should discuss, anyhow."

I gave her a grateful look and followed my wife upstairs. Once in my study, I pulled a collapsible examination table out of the closet and opened it in the middle of the room.

"I'm going to put you down now, sweetie," Esme was whispering to Bella. Bella's face was still in Esme's shirt, and her sobs had lessened to whimpers. Upon hearing her words, however, her crying increased. My wife looked at me, alarmed.

I stepped forward. "I just have to do a quick physical examination, Bella, and then you can go back to Esme if you wish."

She nodded and released her grip on Esme's shirt. I took her from Esme's arms and placed her gently on the table. She squirmed for a moment in discomfort and then became still.

I nodded to Esme to leave. I didn't want her to see this; if it caused Bella pain, it would upset her. As Esme was walking out the door, Bella's heart rate increased dangerously.

I was at her side instantly. I took her face in my hands. "Bella, relax," I said. "What's wrong?"

"Can Esme stay?" she whispered.

"Of course," I said softly, and Esme had already reappeared in the room. I was concerned that she hadn't called her "Mom", but we would handle that later.

She took Bella's hand and I began my examination.

**Bella POV**

I was really nervous. I didn't want him to see the injuries I had sustained, let alone the toll that months of neglect had taken on my body. At this time, I really needed my mom. I've never felt so vulnerable and abused. I wasn't thinking clearly, and I certainly couldn't think about whether or not Esme actually _was_ going to be my mom until I could.

I lay sprawled on Carlisle's table, with Esme's hand in mine. I must have been a sight to see. I've never felt so badly in my life.

He took a small flashlight and examined my eyes, ears, mouth, and nose. He removed my torn shirt and looked with horror at the bruises I had acquired that traveled from my ribs, down my arms, and on my neck. His hand lightly traced each one, and I let out a sigh of relief when he laid his hand gently on my ribs. The cold felt wonderful.

"Tell me where it hurts most, Bella," he said, gesturing towards my ribs. I pointed to the one that was causing me the most discomfort and he applied slight pressure to assess the severity of the fracture. I clenched my teeth so as not to release a cry of pain.

He gave me a sad smile before moving to my broken nose. "Luckily we won't have to reset it," he said gently. "Like your other injuries, they are minor and can be treated with ice and rest. These things require you to stay stationary, Bella. I am going to ask that you stop trying to run away." His voice was sincere, and I could hear double meaning behind his words. He was also requesting that I stop fighting them.

I closed my eyes and nodded in submission. From now on, I decided, I was going to do whatever they asked, whether I liked it or not.

Esme rubbed circles on the back of my hand lovingly and I felt Carlisle's hand touch my cheek briefly.

"Now," he said with an air of finality. "Let's situate you in a place where you can rest for a while."

I glanced quickly at Esme, and Carlisle smiled. "I nearly forgot about my promise. You can go back to Esme, if you wish. I'm sure she would be delighted."

I looked at her hopefully. She gave me a look so full of love that I nearly started crying again. I just felt so emotionally overwhelmed that I didn't care about acting childish anymore; these were my feelings and I couldn't—I wouldn't—hide them any longer.

After taking me gently in her arms, she whispered, "I redesigned the guest room with you in mind while we were… away. I hope you like it."

I blushed at the thought of Esme—or anyone else—doing something that big for me and I buried my face into her shoulder. She rubbed my back soothingly. I felt like a child. It wasn't an uncomfortable feeling.

I opened my eyes when I was set down on the softest bed I had ever been on. I gasped as I looked at the room around me; everything was so beautiful, so much so that I couldn't even fully comprehend what I was seeing.

It was simple and elegant; it seemed to be from another time. The walls were white and my bedspread, curtains, and carpet were a deep purple. But what caught my attention the most were the books. There were three bookshelves spread throughout the room, and each was stocked with my favorite books and ones that looked as if they would interest me. I had never seen such a beautiful sight—other than Edward, of course.

I was snapped out of my meditations when Esme suddenly appeared in front of my face. Her face was panicked. "Breathe, Bella!" she said worriedly.

I hadn't even noticed that I had stopped breathing. I closed my eyes and focused on taking a deep breath, realizing how much better I felt afterward.

I opened my eyes to see Esme, relief clear on her face. After a few moments, my gaze wandered from her face and back on the room. There was a squashy chair that I could sit in while I was reading, and next to it, on the wall, was a picture of Edward, looking as glorious as ever. And there were two additional doors. Both were open and from my position on the bed I could see that one was a bathroom and the other was a walk-in closet. Oh boy. Alice probably stocked it with clothing already. My very own bathroom… I noticed another picture; this one was of the whole family and me. I was standing shyly next to Edward, blushing. He was holding me still as I attempted to hide behind him. I remembered taking that picture… It was taken not too long before they left. My own bathroom… Books… Purple…

"Bella!" I heard a voice yell in the distance. "Bella! That's it. Carlisle!"

I immediately broke out of my trance. Realizing what was happening, I took a drawn out breath and released it quickly. "I'm fine, Mom. I mean—" I looked down guiltily. I accidentally called her "Mom" again.

**Esme POV**

My breathing caught as Bella called me "Mom." She dropped her head guiltily at the word.

I fully understand the reasoning behind her attachment to me, although I'm sure she doesn't. My poor baby is hurt and needs a mother's care. Since we pulled her from her "coma", her being has unconsciously needed my presence. I shall never speak badly of Renee, because she is the biological mother of my daughter, but she surely didn't take her role as parent seriously. From the way Bella and Edward speak of her, it is clear that Bella was the one to "raise" Renee, and not the other way around. Bella has had to take care of herself throughout her entire life. She needs me.

I lifted her chin so she'd meet my eyes. "What's the matter, honey?"

"I'm sorry," she mumbled.

"For what? There's nothing to be sorry for."

"For… For calling you m-mom."

I sat on the edge of her bed beside her. Taking her hand, I said, "I think you'd let go of a lot of stress if you just convinced yourself that we _are_ your parents from now on. If you just told yourself, 'She _is_ my mom.', then you wouldn't have to ever question yourself or feel worried. Can't you see how happy it makes me, or how happy it makes _yourself_?" At the last question, her eyes widened and I saw a glimmer of hope in them that alerted me to the truth of my words. This _is _what she wants.

I took her into my arms and held her tightly. "I know it's going to be hard, baby, but I have a way to make it even _easier_ for you, and you'll have our help. You need to _forgive yourself_." That would make everything so much easier.

At my words, her body slumped in my arms.

Not again…


	17. Chapter 17

Chapter 17

**Carlisle POV**

"Carlisle!" I heard my Esme's worried voice call from Bella's room.

I had been in the woods speaking with my other children when I heard her. I wanted to give Bella some private time with Esme before I could begin her treatment. I had no idea what could have happened, but I did have my suspicions and they were confirmed as I walked in to see my wife holding Bella's unconscious body. She turned at the sound of my entrance, and looked up at me with eyes filled with sadness.

"Oh, Esme," I said softly and knelt down beside my wife. "What happened?"

She told me about how she had brought Bella into her new room, and as she looked around, Esme had to remind her twice not to breathe. "That's when I called you," she added quietly.

"She was probably just amazed by it. Bella is one-of-a-kind, and you certainly designed the perfect room for her."

"Do you think so?" her words were soft, but her eyes were desperate.

"I _know_ so."

She gave me a grateful smile before moving her gaze to her unconscious daughter. I gave her a moment to think before saying, "And then?"

She looked up at me. "She seemed to snap out of it when I called your name. She took an exaggerated breath and quickly told me it was fine."

I lips twitched in amusement at the thought of Bella trying to hurriedly stop me from coming. She was just so unused to being taken care of that she tried to fight us off at every turn.

"What she actually told me is 'It's fine, _Mom_.'," continued Esme with a small smile. "It came out so naturally but when she realized what she said, she apologized profusely and looked down guiltily. She was ashamed that she had expressed her true feelings in a moment of weakness." She looked down at Bella again. "I tried to convince her that maybe she should just surrender and allow herself to believe that we _are_ her parents now. When she looked up at me, I could see her desire in her eyes; this _is_ what she wants, but she just _won't allow herself_…"

I took her hand and nodded for her to continue.

She looked up at me. "I've found the root of the problem, Carlisle." She took a deep breath. "I asked her to forgive herself. And that's when she fainted."

I thought I'd known the answer, but I knew immediately as Esme spoke that this was it. I hadn't known that I'd have to delve _even deeper_, if possible, into my findings.

"But Esme," I said with a pained look on my face. "She has _nothing_ to forgive herself for. It's not her fault."

"And I know that as much as you do." She took my hands in hers. "But she, deep, deep down, _truly believes_ that it is _all_ her fault."

"What exactly does she believe is her fault?"

My wife raised a questioning eyebrow. "As if you don't know."

"I think I do," I said hastily. "But I just want you to confirm that what I'm thinking is true."

"It always is," she said with certainty.

"Oh Esme," I said, stroking her cheek lovingly. "You regard me too highly, my dear. But how I wish it was true."

She took both of my hands in hers. "Carlisle. Bella thinks that our leaving her, that her parents' leaving her, and that her friends' leaving her is _her_ fault. She thinks that we left because of her weaknesses, her inability to hold us here. She's convinced herself that she is _undeserving_ of our mere presence."

She gave me a moment to get my thoughts in order. "But, like you said, we are what she _wants_."

"This is true," she said softly. "But she's having so much trouble because it goes against everything she's trained herself to believe."

I ran a hand through my hair. It was worse than I'd thought, and it was going to be just as difficult to resolve.

**Alice POV**

"Edward, Bella is fine," I lectured as he struggled against Emmett's hold. "She has simply fainted because she and Esme were covering some tough topics."

"Esme sounded terrified," he said through clenched teeth.

"She wasn't terrified because Bella _fainted_," I continued tiredly. "Bella was so _happy_ about her new room that she stopped _breathing_. But she's breathing now."

His struggles lessened. "I want to go see her."

"Dad asked us to stay," said Rosalie. "Wait until he—"

"Not a word from you, Rosalie," Edward snarled. Emmett tightened his grip fiercely.

"Enough," said Jasper. We all immediately felt much more relaxed than before. I gave him an appreciative glance.

At that moment, we heard Carlisle's voice call, "Children!"

As Edward was released from Emmett's arms, he shot off like a bullet. I tried to follow as fast as I could. "Edward, wait up!" I whined. If he had been listening to my thoughts, which I'm sure he had been, he knew that I was equally worried about Bella's condition.

He ignored me and continued on. I pushed myself to go faster, and was awarded with second place.

"Where is she? Is she okay?" Edward was asking rapidly, fast enough for only vampire ears. I rolled my eyes. Hadn't I already answered these questions?

"She is _fine_, Edward," answered Carlisle calmly. "She is in her room. Please do not disturb her. He is currently unconscious and will be waking shortly. We want her to come to terms, on her own, with what she and Esme had discussed. She was overwhelmed."

Edward gripped his hair by the roots. Carlisle placed his hands on Edward's shoulders. "She will be alright, son. It will just take time." He was silent then and I could tell that a silent conversation was going on between them.

Edward's eyes widened in despair as he heard Carlisle's thoughts. He threw his arms in the air in frustration. "I should've known!" he shouted. He began to pace as if he wanted to run but had nowhere to run to.

"That's no fair!" moaned Emmett. "I wanna know!"

Rosalie shook her head at him with an unfathomable expression on her face. Esme smiled in amusement.

Carlisle said seriously, "We have discovered the source of Bella's perverseness."

"You have?" asked Jasper inquisitively.

I was so excited that I couldn't wait for his response. I scanned the future to see what he would say, and, a second later…

"She blames _herself_." The last word rang out in the silence. After a few moments, Carlisle finally said, "So? Any thoughts?"

"That is _so_ Bella," I said.

"I should've known!" Edward repeated loudly. "It was so obvious."

"It's alright, bro," said Emmett seriously, nudging Edward with his elbow. "We'll get through this."

Rosalie gasped. "Everyone! Listen!"

There was silence except for a rapidly accelerating heartbeat…

**Bella POV**

I came to in a rush. When I opened my eyes, I didn't know where I was. As I looked around at the room and its perfection, it all came back.

Esme was in here with me before. She'd said this was my room.

_I_ had a room in the home of my dreams? It was so unreal.

Esme had also talked to me about something important that I couldn't really recall. I gasped as it all came flooding back. I had called Esme "Mom".

I know I had asked earlier if I could do this, but upon further exploration of who I was, I knew that it wasn't right, that I didn't deserve it. I have never wanted anything more in my entire life than to call Carlisle and Esme my parents. I blinked at the realization. That wasn't a good thing.

She had nearly convinced me to call her that, too. But surely she wasn't serious. She'd just wanted to make me feel better.

Her words echoed in my mind over and over. "You need to _forgive yourself_."

My lip began to tremble in anxiety and my heart rate began to increase dangerously.

"I need to get out of here," I whispered between gasps. "This is my last chance."

I stood up and immediately felt dizzy. My chest throbbed painfully and I bit my lip to prevent a yell from escaping me. Holding onto the bed for support, I slowly and silently made my way towards the window. I tripped and fell when I was almost halfway to my destination.

I had landed on my face. I was blinded by pain as my nose shifted grotesquely and my injured ribs were beaten once more. I couldn't move.

"Dad!" Edward bellowed almost breathlessly. His voice caused me more pain than my injuries. I didn't want him to see me like this.

Cold hands lifted me from the floor and replaced me on the bed. It was Carlisle. "Oh, Bella," he was saying miserably. "I'm so sorry."

I tried to protest, but I couldn't speak. I managed to shake my head.

"Bella, you don't know what you're talking about. I am going to get you some pain medication. I'll be right back." He stroked my cheek before disappearing from the room.

This is when I noticed the presence of the rest of the family. I blushed from embarrassment, but not even Emmett smiled this time.

"Edward," I tried to get out. He seemed to understand me as he always did and appeared at my bedside.

"Yes, love?" His face was tragic.

I wished that he could read my thoughts.

"I'm sorry," I mumbled.

"You have nothing to be sorry for," he said immediately.

I shook my head again to this reply. They needed to understand that this was the truth and not just some statement of martyrdom. I was ashamed, but I needed to be honest. "I tr-tried to leave," I said softly and began to cry.

"Don't be upset," said Edward gently as he began to kiss my hair.

I was so angry at myself and I was desperate for someone to share in that anger with me. An idea came to me.

"Rosalie," I managed to say. She raised her eyebrows in surprise.

"Yes?" she asked. Her face was… sympathetic?

"Please, Rosalie," I said. "Tell me what a horrible person I am. This is what I _need_ right now."

She shook her head with a frown. "I don't think you're a horrible person, Bella."

I was so frustrated. "But I am!" I tried to get up but Edward pushed me back down.

"She really thinks that," I barely heard Jasper say.

Rosalie was shaking her head in disbelief. "She shouldn't."

Carlisle appeared hesitantly in the hallway. "Bella, I certainly don't want to cause you any more anxiety, but…" He couldn't seem to finish what he was saying. I looked at Edward, alarmed.

He looked at me with wide eyes, willing me to be cooperative. "He's going to have to give you pain medicine _intravenously_."

I gulped. _Needles_, I thought and immediately started shaking my head rapidly.

He threw his head back in exasperation. "Bella, please just tell me _why_."

"Two reasons," I said quickly as if that would help the situation. "One, I don't like needles. But, more importantly, two…" I closed my eyes at this indisposed truth.

"Two?" he prompted.

I kept my eyes closed as I answered quietly, "Two… And before I say it I wish you'd really consider it because it's the truth. I don't want the pain to go away."

There was a silence before Alice's voice asked, "Why, Bella?"

I shook my head in embarrassment. "I don't want to talk about it. You won't believe me anyway."

I opened my eyes to see Carlisle and Esme exchanging knowing looks. That reminded me… Esme knew why, and she must've told Carlisle. And by the looks on everyone else's faces, they knew too.

Carlisle wheeled the IV cart inside and my heart began to beat rapidly once more. He put on his sterilized gloves and began the process.

"Carlisle, please don't," I pleaded, trying to scoot away from his direction but Edward was holding me in place.

"Close your eyes and you won't see the needle," he said calmly.

"But my second reason," I said so softly that only they would ever have been able to hear me.

Alice appeared on the side of the bed opposite Carlisle and Edward's. She took my face in her hands and said, "Look at me, Bella. Let's talk."

"I don't want to talk," I said nervously.

"Yes you do," she said. "What's going on?"

"Um… Nothing much…" I was nervous and confused by Alice's question. Nothing was going on. My life was an empty void.

"How do you like your room?"

My heart nearly leapt with joy as I heard her call this place _my_ room. I could feel myself relaxing as I began to talk, "Esme is _amazing_. She knows exactly what I love. It's unbelievable."

"It is," she nodded, agreeing. "What's your favorite part?"

"The books," I answered immediately.

She laughed her wind chime laugh and I found myself completely immersed in this distraction even when I felt cold hands lift my unwilling arm.

I didn't allow myself to become apprehensive as I looked into Alice's eyes. "The _books_? I was hoping you'd say the clothes."

"The clothes? I have clothes here?"

Her face became truly excited. "Oh, you haven't seen them? I'll be the first to show you?"

"Yes!" I said, delighted that I had pleased her.

"As soon as you're feeling better, than," she said happily. "Oh, Bella, you'll _love_ them."

I began to become drowsy and I realized that the IV must have been inserted and medicine was being released into my system. I could feel the throbs in my face and chest begin to lessen. My head was still held gently by Alice's hands.

"Clothes. Yay." I tried to sound sarcastic through my slurs.

She laughed. "Sleep, Bella. You'll feel better soon."

"I sleep too much," I said indistinctly.

"It's okay," she said from far away. "You're healing."

And then I was out.


	18. Chapter 18

Chapter 18

**Alice POV**

As soon as Bella's eyes closed, my cheerful demeanor disappeared. Jasper had his arms around me in an instant. He must have known that although I spoke so merrily to Bella, I was, in truth, miserable. It hurt me to see her in this condition, but I'd known that I was needed to step in and distract her. I could see the truth in Esme's evaluation immediately as I asked Bella about the second reason for declining the IV treatment. Her reasoning was astonishing, but somewhat predictable. It was so Bella. She actually blames _herself_ for us leaving her, she blames _herself _for her condition…

"Oh, Alice," Esme's sympathetic voice broke my reverie. I was moved from Jasper's arms to hers as she embraced me in a comforting hug. "You've done such a good job, sweetheart."

"Thanks, Mom," I said, truly grateful as her voice lifted me from the gloom.

She released me but held me in front of her at arm's length. Looking into my eyes with a serious expression on her face, she continued, "And, like always, you know that if there is something troubling you, you can always come to either me or your father, right?"

I nodded distractedly, looking everywhere but at my mother. I wouldn't ever concern them with my worries, and they knew it.

Her finger on my chin coaxed my eyes to meet hers. Her face was fraught with concern. "Tell me the truth."

She held my gaze for a moment before I said, "Don't worry. I'm fine."

She looked at Jasper, who loyally kept his face a calm mask. She turned to Edward, who was frozen in place, looking away. It was clear that she wanted to see if Jasper "felt" anything, or if Edward "heard" anything. They were keeping my secret.

I threw them grateful looks behind my mother's back. She needn't be worried about me; it was Bella who needed all of her attention now.

Esme turned back to me, frustrated. "I know you, young lady. I am sure you are being dishonest, and I am also sure that it is for my benefit." She paused, waiting for contradiction. I didn't argue. "But I know that you know you can talk to me, if you wanted to."

I looked down guiltily. I almost felt that I'd be hurting her feelings by denying her. "I will, Mom," I mumbled. "Later."

With a small smile, she bent over and gave me another hug. I leaned comfortingly into her embrace.

Esme's arms were still around me when I stiffened with a vision. Carlisle was—I couldn't tell. It was too blurry. The visions kept changing, and I shook my head slowly to rid myself of them.

"What do you see, Alice?" asked Esme.

My eyes flicked first to Edward, and he was looking as confused as I felt. Then I looked at Carlisle. He was standing in the doorway, his head bowed in what appeared to be deep thought.

Feeling my eyes on him, he looked up. "I'm sorry, what did I miss?"

"What were you deciding, just now?" I asked.

He looked surprised, and then comprehension dawned on him. "I was just looking at different ways to approach this problem with Bella."

There was silence as everyone began to think about the same question.

"We shouldn't overwhelm her," Rosalie said softly. We all looked at her, startled.

"Yes, I agree," said Jasper, breaking the tension that he no doubt felt emanating throughout the room.

"Certainly," said Carlisle, recovering his serious manner. "It will take time. And it will be difficult… For her and for us."

"We'll be there for her every step of the way," said Esme lovingly as she wisped over to her husband's side.

Emmett rubbed his hands together enthusiastically. "Let's get started!"

Edward looked up at the ceiling, as if asking it for guidance, and said quietly, "All because I fell in love with a _human_…"

I heard Carlisle growl indistinctly and say, "I won't deny that you _are_ at fault, Edward, but for a different reason."

Edward cowered slightly at Carlisle's thoughts.

"Okay, let's settle down now," I said. "We need to come up with a game plan."

Carlisle took a deep breath and, closing his eyes, pinched the bridge of his nose in concentration before responding, "When I feel that Bella has had a sufficient dose of pain medication to ease her physical pain for a few hours, I will remove the IV, hence waking her up. I feel awful for forcing her sleep so often, but her body requires it. She deserves some time awake." He opened his eyes and took Esme's hand. "When she is awake, we shall not overwhelm her, as Rosalie said. The only people in the room are the people Bella wants to be in the room, with an exception…" His look turned anxious.

Edward nodded in agreement. "Anyone can visit and do as they please… On doctor's orders."

I grimaced. Poor Bella.

**Bella POV**

_No, Bella, don't do this._

My breath caught at the sound of his voice. I opened my eyes to see his face, beautiful beyond imagining. I let myself believe for a moment that he was real.

_Please._

Reality hit with that single word. He wasn't real. He was a hallucination, a product of my imagination.

"I can't live without you," I told the imaginary Edward. "I've tried. And my pain isn't hurting just me anymore. I'm hurting everyone around me, especially Charlie. I just don't want to do it anymore. I don't want to keep on living in a world where you… Alice… all of them… don't exist. I'm falling apart."

These thoughts brought me down with a spiral of neglect. I wrapped my arms around my chest to hold myself together.

Taking a step closer to the edge, I looked down. I smiled, knowing that it would all be over soon.

_Bella!_ His voice was angry now. _No!_

"Goodbye, Edward," I said, tears falling down my face. I just couldn't do it anymore. I couldn't live in a world in which _they_ didn't exist. And I jumped off the cliff.

I screamed, gripping my chest tighter. I fought against the force that was trying to pull my arms back, but I couldn't let it happen. I _needed_ to hold myself together, or else I'd fall apart…

"Shh, shh, Bella," I heard a voice in the distance say. It was getting louder and louder as it came into focus. "Relax, baby, it's alright. It was just a dream."

Oh.

I blinked my eyes a couple of times, willing myself to see. It was Esme, and she was gently trying to remove my arms from my torso. I obliged, wondering why this was necessary.

As if reading my thoughts, she stated the obvious. "Bella, you have damage to your _ribs_. I didn't think you should be gripping onto yourself so tightly."

Oh.

There was a pause before Esme knelt next to my bed. Wiping my tears away with her thumb, she took my hand and said, "Bella, sweetheart…" Her tone caused me to look away from her gaze. I reminded myself that I didn't deserve this coddling.

"I'm fine," I said softly, not even allowing my mind to return to that dream.

"Haven't I heard that one before," she said, just as quietly. Moving my face to meet hers, she looked at me expectantly. "Honey, you were screaming in your sleep, holding onto yourself for dear life!"

"Apparently I do that a lot," I said, shrugging, after a pause. It was true, and it wasn't a big deal. It had been going on for months now, ever since…

"Bella, I can see it in your eyes. This _is_ a serious issue!"

I shook my head weakly. "World hunger. _That's_ a serious issue."

"Bella, you don't understand what I'm saying. _You_ are very important."

I looked away, tightening my lips to hold in the argument that was threatening to be released. I wish they'd just left me in the woods.

My eyes widened at the irony. They _had_ left me in the woods. If that was an illustration of exactly how important I was to them, I didn't know what was. Tears filled my eyes.

She turned my head to look at her once more, and she was shaking her head at my stubbornness. Her face was sympathetic, and she squeezed my hand lovingly. "You _are_ important, Bella, and I know we haven't done a good job at showing it. But we're here, and we've got forever to show you."

"Forever?" I rasped softly.

"Darling, I know you won't believe me if I speak for _everyone_, but this is me speaking for _me_. I'm here, and I'll never, I repeat, _never_, abandon you ever again. You're my daughter and I love you."

The tears that were threatening to fall finally leaked out of my eyes, and the next thing I knew, I was sobbing again.

"I'm so s-sorry for breaking d-down like this all the t-time," I said, my voice muffled by the pillow I had shoved my face into.

The next thing I knew, I was turned around and lifted by Esme. I realized that they must've removed the IV from my arm.

I continued to sob into Esme's shirt as she rocked me and whispered soothing words into my ear.

As my sobs slowed down, she said, "It's time for breakfast."

My stomach grumbled at the words, and I blushed in embarrassment, my face still buried in her shirt. How long had it been since I'd last eaten?


End file.
